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“Come sit with me,” he replied, and it took me a few seconds to get my feet unglued.

I walked to the couch and sat down at one end, then turned toward him as he sat in the middle. Not quite touching me, but close. I couldn’t look at him. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack if he didn’t get the conversation going.

Maybe he sensed that, or he got his thoughts and words together. Either way, he spoke, and when he did, my jaw dropped immediately.

My best friend who I had pined for as long as I’d known what loving someone meant opened his beautiful mouth and said, “The only one you’re marrying is me.”

Chapter 17

Bodhi

It was a blunt statement, but my boy was spiraling and I needed to shock him out of it. Besides, it was the absolute truth. Fortunately it had the intended effect and Wren sucked in a huge breath, then let it out slowly, his shoulders loosening, and some of the wild look left his eyes.

He laughed, though it sounded a bit unhinged, as though he was striving for humor and not quite getting there. “It was a joke, Bode. I’m not actually marrying anyone.”

I nodded. “Not yet. But eventually, I’m going to want to put a ring on it. I can’t have you walking around and people think you aren’t claimed.”

He stared at me for a long moment, head tilted, then narrowed his eyes. “Are you drunk?”

“No,” I assured him with a chuckle.

“High, then.” Wren nodded once. “You did drugs while you were in the bathroom. That explains everything.”

I had to fight not to laugh because he was so certain. But he also knew me, knew I didn’t touch anything harder than alcohol, and even then not often. I wasn’t a fan of not being in control of all my faculties. Maybe he was trying to be funny, or find an excuse, but I wasn’t going to let him think I wasn’t completely serious.

“I had a revelation in the bathroom,” I said softly, taking a seat beside him. For just a second, he leaned into my space then seemed to catch himself and straightened up again. I wanted him in my arms for this, but I wasn’t going to push. Not yet. It was probably better to look him in the eye while we had this conversation anyway.

Wren’s gaze flitted all over my face before he turned his attention to the wall. “I don’t know what that means. And you’re kind of freaking me out. So how about—”

“It’s you.” I couldn’t put it any plainer than that, and the instant the words left my mouth, his gaze shot to mine. I smiled. “It’s always been you. My whole life, my heart has belonged to you. And I didn’t realize that’s why I couldn’t make a connection to anyone else until tonight when—”

“No.”

“When you were joking about marrying Gem, and I thought I was going to throw up.” I kept going as though he hadn’t cut me off. “The thought of you with anyone else is…unacceptable. Who could love you more than I do? No one.”

“Stop this right now, Bodhi.” His voice was shaking and his fists were clenched in his lap. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “This isn’t funny, and I don’t appreciate it. I don’t want to hear it.”

My gut clenched and for just a second, I thought he was rejecting me. But I knew his body language better than anyone else in the world. And the way he was holding himself, like one wrong move and he would break, was all I needed to know.

“You don’t want to hear the truth?” I kept my voice soft. Gentle. “I know I’ve been stupid for the past couple of years, but we’ve gotten past that right? And I’m sorry, so sorry, it’s taken me so long to realize what my feelings for you really meant.”

He hopped up, putting distance between us, to press his back against the wall. I let him, but clocked the distance to the door to make sure I could get there before him. Not that I would keep him against his will, but I sure as hell wasn’t going to let him leave before we had this out.

“You expect me to believe that just one moment and bam. Your entire view of me has changed?” He was shaking his head as he said it, his voice nearly going out on him. “It doesn’t work like that. And it’s mean of you to play with my feelings like that.”

He wasn’t getting it. He didn’t trust me, maybe, or just didn’t believe me. And that hurt a little, because I thought he knew I would never lie to him. I took a breath and tried to explain, “It was more like that moment opened my eyes to what’s always been there. What’s always in my heart. It’s like my head, heart, and body all aligned and I can’t let another second go by without telling you how I feel.”

Wren gulped air. “You’re asexual.”

“Probably more like gray ace. Demisexual.” I thought back to Isley’s explanation that had made things so clear for me. “I could never make a connection with someone else because I was always wrapped up in you.”

For excruciating minutes, Wren said nothing at all. It looked like it was taking all his concentration just to keep breathing. Finally he whispered, “This is hard to believe.”

“I know. It’s sudden for you because we’ve always been a certain way. And I pushed you away when I was dealing with my whole situation. And maybe I really am an idiot for not figuring it out some time in the past thirty years.” I had to take a breath and center myself, then braced for however he would respond to what I had to say next. “But I figured it out and I hope it’s not too late. I hope that maybe you have feelings for me too. Or you could. That one day you could love me too.”

“Love you?” He asked, and the incredulity in his tone was nearly my undoing. I couldn’t hold in the wince.

“I know it’s a lot to ask but if you—”