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“He’s been a good friend to me,” I confessed. “And I hate if that admission hurts you, but he has. Maybe he’s manipulating me, but I’m just not seeing that side of him. Do you think maybe he’s changed?”
“I don’t like or trust Carson, and that’s not going to change. But I’ve let the situation with him affect me for far too long. You have to make your own decisions, and you’re the one who will have to live with the consequences.” It wasn’t said with anger, but acceptance. It wasn’t a threat, but a cautionary tale.
“I-I—” I stuttered, caught completely off guard by this unexpected shift. Was he letting this go? “Where is this coming from?”
It didn’t make any sense. Not after all this time.
Levi lifted a shoulder. “You’ve always said that people should live their lives, even if others don’t understand or approve of their choices.”
I swallowed hard. “Yes. I have. But…”
“I would never want to come between you and an opportunity, even if it means you have to work with him. Just…” He paused, seeming to debate his words. “Be careful. ’Kay?”
I studied Levi, surprised by my brother’s reaction. I studied him. Was he trying to gloss over it? Pretend everything was fine because it was the holidays and he didn’t want to argue? Or was he actually cool with it?
“Really?” My tone betrayed my skepticism.
“Yes, really. I trust you to decide what’s best for you, even if I don’t always agree with it. Just as I’d hope you’d do the same for me.”
“Of course I would.” I gnawed on my bottom lip, unable to let it go. Unable to wrap my head around it. “But…what’s changed?”
“I’m tired of holding on to this anger, and…” He glanced away briefly. “Well, I met someone, and it’s helped me realize that it feels good to let go of the past.”
I couldn’t help it. I grinned. “You met someone?” It must be semi-serious for my brother to mention it to me. I couldn’t remember the last time he’d dated anyone. Or at least, not where it had gotten to the point that he’d told us about them. “When do I get to meet her?”
“That’s just it—” He rubbed the back of his neck, his cheeks turning pink. “It’s a him not a her.”
“I—” I froze, my mind processing everything I thought I knew about my brother, everything I’d believed for so long. I didn’t want to say the wrong thing, but I was so shocked I wasn’t sure what to say. So I blurted the first thing that came to mind. “I’m so happy for you.” I grinned.
“Really?” He peered over at me.
“Yes. Of course.” I took his hand in mine, wanting to reassure Levi, to let him know that I was here for him—always. “I feel like a complete and utter ass for all those times I assumed you were straight.” I smacked him. “Why didn’t you ever correct me?” I was teasing, but there was some truth behind it too.
He hung his head. “I know. I’m sorry. I just wasn’t ready to talk about it.”
I nodded, trying not to make this about me, though I wondered if I’d done something to make Levi feel like he couldn’t tell me. Instead, I asked, “Is this a more…recent discovery?” I paused, choosing my words carefully. “Your attraction to men? And women?” I added. “People?”
God, I was fumbling so badly. But I was trying not to make any assumptions. Maybe Levi wasn’t gay. Maybe he was bi or pan or demi or fluid. It didn’t really matter what his orientation was; I simply wanted to understand him better so that I could be there for him.
He shook his head. “I can’t remember a time I wasn’t attracted to men.”
Ah. Okay.
“Thank you for telling me, for trusting me.” Though part of me wondered why he’d never mentioned it before. And why now?
Because of this new relationship?
Whoever this guy was, he must be pretty special if he had my brother opening up like this.
“I’m sorry if you’re upset or feel like I’ve kept this from you,” Levi said.
“No. Lee.” I met his eyes, wanting him to know that I was speaking the truth. “No. You had to do what felt right for you. I respect that. I’m just happy you’re telling me now. Surprised. But happy.”
“I just…” He dragged a hand through his hair. “You know what the bro culture is like. Hell, your fight against it inspired me to stop sitting on the sidelines. To do something, even if I’m terrified.”
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t imagine the courage it had taken my brother to admit this to himself. I hoped he’d always see me as a safe place to land. I hoped he knew that I wouldn’t stop fighting until everyone was treated equally.
“I know I’m not the only LGBTQIA+ player in the league, and I’m tired of feeling like I have to hide my true self. I’ve never wanted the focus to be on my sexual orientation instead of my skill as a player, but I also don’t want to keep pretending I’m something or someone I’m not.”