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“Is there any way the two of you can put aside this…situation for the sake of the show?”

Levi hesitated a moment, and I felt as if I were holding my breath. Then he slowly shook his head, and my stomach plummeted. This was so much worse than I’d feared.

“Right. Okay.” I sensed Cam had questions, but I was grateful he didn’t ask. Instead, he jumped into problem-solving mode. “I hesitate to propose this, but we could alternate who hosts each week. And we could invite different people to cohost.”

It wasn’t a bad idea, but it would also completely change the vibe of the podcast. “What would our listeners think?” I asked, trying to keep the panic from my tone.

As much as I was concerned about the future of our podcast, I was more concerned about the future of my relationship with my brother. We’d always bonded over our love of hockey. Part of me had hoped that after some time apart, we could resume the podcast and it would bring us back together. It would remind Levi of the good times and maybe help us get back to a better place.

I’d been counting on this weekly window as a way to start the process of rebuilding our relationship. But when Levi lifted a shoulder in response, my hopes deflated. As important as the show was to both of us, I couldn’t sit here week after week and watch him suffer, knowing I was the cause of it.

“It would definitely be a change,” Cam said, jumping in. “But listeners loved the interview with Frasier at the end of last season. Inviting new cohosts could give the show a fun, fresh spin. And we can do that until you’re in a good place to cohost with each other again.”

I wondered when that would be. Part of me feared the answer might be never.

“Up to you, Lee,” I said, wanting so desperately to go back to how things used to be, even while knowing that was impossible. Even if we couldn’t get back there, I didn’t want to give up on my relationship with my brother. But I also knew that forcing him to interact wouldn’t be good for either of us or our relationship.

When Levi cleared his throat and said, “Sounds good,” my shoulders still sagged in disappointment.

“Great,” Cam said, remaining professional and neutral. “Logan, do you think you could line up a cohost first? I can help with future ones, but since it’s so last minute and you have so many established contacts out in LA, maybe you could make it happen.”

“Absolutely.” I tried to remain upbeat despite this major setback. “What do you think about having Cece Golden on?”

Cam lit up. “I think it’s a great idea.”

“Lee?” I asked, silently begging him to meet my eyes, to look at me. “You good with that?”

“Yeah. Whatever.” He was totally detached, and his ability to ice me out so completely stung.

After a minute more of discussing logistics, we ended the call. I dropped my head to the desk and finally let myself cry the tears I’d been holding in.

November

“Happy Friendsgiving!” Bryn lifted her glass, and we all joined in.

Food and flowers lined the center of the table, and as soon as the toast was over, we all reached for a plate. Everyone had brought a dish or a friend, and Frasier and Bryn’s house was close to bursting. It was a good thing the weather was nice because we’d had to set up tables outside to accommodate everyone. A lot of the guys from the team were here, as well as a few of my new teammates.

“Oh god,” Carson moaned around a mouthful of food. “Babe, you’ve gotta try this.” He held a spoon to my mouth, and I took a bite.

“Mm.” The flavors melded together—sweet and savory, melting in my mouth with a bit of a kick. “What is that?”

Boone leaned over, practically inserting himself in Carson’s lap. I covered my mouth with my hand to hide my smile. “I brought that. It’s roasted butternut squash with pecans and a maple glaze.”

“It’s freaking delicious.” I used my fork to steal some more from Carson’s plate. “I don’t even like butternut squash.”

Boone chuckled. “Guess you do now.” And then he went back to his conversation with Gabe and his sister. It sounded as if they were debating the best style of barbecue and barbecue sauces.

In another life, that would’ve been Levi and me. Except, instead of debating barbecue, we would’ve been debating hockey teams. But that also would’ve required that my brother actually talk to me. Something that hadn’t happened in months. My expression fell at the reminder of my brother and the fact that our relationship might be beyond repair.

“Hey.” Carson wrapped an arm around me, leaning in so only I could hear him. “You okay?”

“Trying to be.” I blew out a breath. “Just…”

“I know.” He brushed my hair away from my face, and I hated that he understood what it was like to spend the holidays without his family. It sucked.

It had been two months since Levi and I had attempted—and failed—to record the first episode for the new season of the podcast. And since then, he’d only communicated with me by email. And only ever in response to matters about the show.

When it had come time to plan the holidays, I’d hoped it would be a chance to see each other in person, to talk. But Mom had hinted it might be too much, offering that Dad could come to LA while she went to Dallas to be with Levi and Alan.