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Because as much as I believed Carson had changed, Levi couldn’t or wouldn’t. I didn’t know what to do about it. About any of it. I was torn between my loyalty to my brother and my heart.

No matter what I decided, I was going to hurt someone. My brother, if I chose to continue dating Carson. Carson, if I decided to end things. I wasn’t sure my heart could survive either decision, and I felt as if I were being crushed by the weight of it on top of the move and everything else.

I rubbed at a spot on my chest as if it might ease the ache. But nothing would help. So I climbed behind the driver’s seat, hoping today’s itinerary would give me some clarity. A path forward. A distraction, if nothing else.

Mom and I were slowly making our way toward the West Coast. South Dakota had been our first stop, and we’d enjoyed visiting Badlands National Park and Mount Rushmore. We’d opted to stay an extra day so we could visit Custer State Park, and I wished we had even more time to explore the gorgeous scenery.

“Next stop.” Mom typed something into the maps app on her phone. “Grand Teton National Park.”

After a few hours, we detoured to Fremont Canyon, where we stopped for lunch. It was touted as one of Wyoming’s hidden gems, and I could see why as we unpacked our food at a picnic table. A kayaker glided down the river, the water reflecting the beautiful rock walls that rose dramatically along the surface. It was peaceful, yet it did little to put my heart at ease.

“Okay,” Mom said. “I’ve let you stew for three days. I think we should talk about it.”

I kept my eyes on my sandwich before finally admitting, “I’m scared.”

“What are you scared of?”

That I broke my brother’s heart.

A bird let out a sad warble, and I felt it echo in my soul. I took a deep breath, too terrified to even admit that. Instead, I said, “I’m scared Levi will never speak to me again.” I swallowed hard, pushing my sandwich away.

Mom seemed taken aback. “Did he say that?”

In not so many words.

“I feel bad even talking about this with you,” I admitted. “I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”

“Sweetheart.” Mom covered my hand with hers. “I love you both, and I’m here for you both. If the past few years have taught me anything, it’s that the only way forward is by talking. Even when it’s painful. Even when you’re scared.”

“Do you think if you and Dad had talked more, things might have turned out differently?”

“Maybe, but I doubt it. We’re both happier now. We can appreciate each other more. At the time, it was terrifying to discuss the prospect of divorce. Even if we both understood that was what we needed.”

I nodded. “I haven’t talked to Carson since everything…blew up. I mean, I texted him once to let him know I’d arrived in Minnesota. But otherwise, we haven’t spoken.”

“What happened?” she asked in a gentle tone.

Part of me worried that if I told her, she’d never look at Carson the same way. But I also knew if anyone could help me with this problem, it was her.

So I took a deep breath and told her everything. She’d been stunned, upset, surprised. And when I finally finished, she looked as depleted as I felt.

“Wow.” She blew out a breath. “That’s…a lot.”

“I know.” I gnawed on my lip. I had so many questions, but the most pressing was, “Can you ever forgive Carson for what he did?”

Mom hesitated, and it only added to the growing knot in my stomach. But then she said, “I’m not sure I’m the one he needs forgiveness from. I think the more accurate question is—do you think you can be with Carson, even if Levi never forgives him?”

“And that’s the problem,” I said, not surprised that Mom had arrived at the crux of the issue so easily. “The problem is that I believe Carson. I believe he’s changed. But I’m not sure Levi will ever be able to see past his hurt to realize that. And if he can’t…” I couldn’t even force myself to say the words. I swallowed hard. “If he can’t, I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

She took a bite of her sandwich then set it down. I couldn’t even contemplate eating, though I did feel a little lighter now that I’d confessed everything. But as good as it had felt to get it off my chest, I was still no closer to a solution.

Mom and I were silent, and I closed my eyes as a breeze whispered through the trees, caressing my skin. It was so peaceful here, so beautiful. Yet my heart was aching.

“Am I a terrible person for loving someone who hurt my brother so deeply?” I finally asked, voicing one of my biggest fears.

Mom dusted off her hands. “We all make mistakes, especially when we’re young. And while I knew Carson’s family was strict, I didn’t realize the extent of it. It must have taken a lot of strength for him to cut ties with them. That, and the work he’s put in since then, tells me more about his character than what happened before then.”

“I agree, but Levi…”