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“I even understand it. It was wrong, but I think you already know that. You’re a fighter, Genny. Take that strength and channel it into a better life. You won’t let Barry win, and you’ve got your whole life to make sure of it.”

Tears brightened her eyes.

“Take care of yourself.” I finally left the room, much to Valerie’s relief, and I marched down the corridor in search of Forde, apprehensive about what I’d find when I reached him.

46. Cameron

It was worse than I could have imagined.

Forde not only shook off my hand when I tried to take it as we walked back to his truck, he wouldn’t talk. I pressed a few times but eventually gave up, hoping he just needed time to process the encounter with Genny.

However, when forty excruciating minutes had passed as we drove south and Forde still hadn’t spoken, I couldn’t take it anymore.

“Babe,” I started in a quiet voice. I hated that voice because I sounded small and scared. While I was worried about him, I also despised being on eggshells. “I get that was bad back there, but please don’t shut me out.”

“Bad?” Forde’s head whipped toward me. His hands clenched around the steering wheel, white-knuckling it as he returned his blazing gaze to the road ahead. “That was … it’s so beyond bad, Cameron.”

“Tell me. Tell me what is going on in your head.”

“You don’t want to know.”

“I do. I do want to know!” I snapped impatiently. I hadn’t known what was in his head for eighteen years and I did not want to go back to that.

“You don’t!”

I flinched at his bark, which only made me angrier. “Yes, I fucking do!”

“You can’t be near me!” he yelled, hitting the heel of his palm off the steering wheel. “I can’t fucking contaminate you with the fucking foul DNA that runs through me. Can you imagine what he did to that wee lassie? It was never drugs, Cameron!” Forde slammed his back into his seat with emotion. “Years I told myself …” His voice quieted as blood rushed in my ears. “I told myself it was the drugs that made him do that to my mum. But it turns out he was just evil. He was just fucking evil … and he made me.”

“No.” Tears spilled free as I reached out to soothe him. “Babe, you are nothing like him. You know that. You know⁠—”

“I know you were better off without me.” Forde was stone-faced now, and I felt it. I felt him locking me out, withdrawing emotionally. “I should never have started this with you.”

Panic rose like a wave of heat from the tips of my toes upward, crawling across my skin and tightening around my chest until I felt like I couldn’t breathe. My mind whirled as I swayed with lightheadedness.

No, no, no, no.

I’d wasted so much of my life waiting for this man and when I finally trusted in him again … he did this? My mind warred. Empathy and agony for the man I loved … and fury that he was choosing to push me out again instead of letting me love him through it. I’d trusted him and he was breaking my heart again.

Again!

I couldn’t go through this again.

It was all too much. The last few months of darkness and trauma and counseling only to come out the other side to a love I’d always wanted, and now he was taking it back?!

I couldn’t breathe.

And I despised him for doing this to me. For having this kind of effect on me.

A sob broke free and I fumbled for the door handle.

“Cameron,” Forde gritted out as I tugged on it. “Stop!”

“I need out.”

“Cameron, stop it.”

I searched for the child-lock button that automatically engaged as another uncontrollable sob burst out.