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“I’m…” I hedged, pausing to swallow around the ever growing need to suppress my despair. But, when Eli intertwined our fingers, the warmth of his palm thawed the icy façade I’d managed to maintain, and I held space for myself, giving my grief the room it needed. I swiped at an errant tear before continuing, a strangled sob preceding my painful explanation. “I’m empty.”
“I don’t understand what that means. Are you able to tell me?”
My grip tightened, and Eli squeezed in kind, grounding me enough so that I was able reach up and wipe away the steady flow of tears. “I can’t give you a child. I’m—I’ll never be able to fully satisfy the urges that you have.”
“How do you know that, Laney?”
“Because I do! Every alpha before you—”
Eli’s sigh was heavy. “I’ve told you from the very beginning. I’m not like other alphas.”
“Everyone says that, Eli.”
“I’m not everyone, Laney.” He pulled his hand out of mine as he took a steadying breath. “You’ve asked me if you are enough for me and what was my answer?”
I fought the urge to snap, to push him away because he was dangerously close. I took a risk, taking a huge step forward on a path that was bound to change the trajectory of our relationship, and answered honestly. “You said I was more than enough.”
“But have you ever asked if I want children?”
I frowned. I replayed recent conversations in my mind and… “No, I haven’t.”
“Isn’t that a decision I need to make for myself?” I nodded and Eli gently continued. “By telling me you know you can’t satisfy an urge you don’t know is there, that makes me feel like you already have one foot out the door. It—it makes me question how you truly feel about me and I don’t like questioning your feelings. I would like to believe that you genuinely love me for me and not the idea of what an alpha should be. So, ask.”
I took yet another step forward, finding this one to be just as challenging as the first, if not more terrifying. What if he said he did want children? What was the point in claiming me, knowing I could never conceive? Was it the heat of the moment? Did Eli think that because he was a dominant alpha, he’d be able to conceive with me despite me being the problem? “I’m afraid to ask,” I finally admitted.
Eli wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me into his lap. He brushed the hair out of my face. “I’m not going anywhere, Delaney. I know that hasn’t been your experience, but I need you to trust that I’m yours. From the moment I laid eyes on you at the hospital, I knew.”
My laughter mixed with a small sob. I shook my head. “I was a fucking mess. There’s no way you knew then.”
“I mean, in all honesty you’re a fucking mess now but you’re my fucking mess so…” He kissed my cheek, leaving a small trail down my jaw and eventually making his way to my neck, placing a chaste kiss against the mark. “The answer is yes and no. I want to be a dad, but I’m fine with not having children. It’s not a deal breaker for me, Delaney. It never was.”
Intense relief washed over me, and I was no longer taking timid steps on this proverbial bridge; I was racing into the arms of a man that reached up to wipe my tears. One that told me,
“You’re not empty, Laney. You’re wonderfully whole. You’re fiercely and totally complete. And if you let me, I want to spend the rest of my life loving you.”
The trajectory took a sharp turn when, after a long pause, we both blurted out,
“Move in with me?”
Chapter Twenty-One
Despite asking in the heat of the moment, the truth was I’d wanted to ask Delaney to move in with me since our second date. Now, as I was finishing placing the last of his boxes labeled “office” in the third bedroom, I remembered why I wanted him to move in. Delaney stood in the same spot he did the first time he came over. His arms were folded across his chest, but the reflection in the window showed a soft smile resting on his lips.
“I can see you staring at me. Weirdo.” He clicked his tongue against his teeth but didn’t turn to face me.
“In all honesty,” I began as I came up behind him, sliding my arms around his narrow waist before placing my chin on his shoulder, “I stare at you every chance I get, love.”
Delaney had been slowly moving into my home, being very adamant about not wanting to take over my place. Once he began to move in, there was a sudden warmth and a sense of right that made me feel the same sense of peace I did when I first saw him. It was as if he’d always belonged here. And truthfully, the way I felt about him, there was no doubt in my mind that Delaney did belong here. “My house wasn’t a home until you,” I murmured.
“That’s so cheesy.”
“Be that as it may, thank you.” I kissed his temple before straightening up. “I have to ask though.”
“Hmm?” He turned in my arms, pulling back a bit to look up at me.
“What is it about my backyard?”
Delaney’s laugh was the best sound I’d ever heard, bringing a smile to my face as he chuckled. “Aside from wisteria being my favorite flower, it’s hard to describe.” He blushed, tucking his chin into his chest as he looked away.
