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“Baby boy,” Mom whispered.
“Whatever it takes, I’ll do it,” I replied, my voice cracking pathetically as I tried to bargain with her. “Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”
“Rhodes… baby boy.” She reached across the table and rested her hand over mine. I immediately gripped her tight, tighter than I probably should’ve. “Rhodes, I don’t want more treatments.”
That single sentence landed like a ton of bricks. They burned hot in my core, and bile bit the back of my throat.
I looked over at Jude. He hadn’t said a word and simply stared at Mom.
“You can’t,” he whispered, shaking his head. His voice was impossibly small and broke with the two words. “You can’t… you can’t.”
Reaching over, she touched his arm.
“I need to, honey,” Mom said. Despite the severity in her words, there wasn’t an ounce of doubt or questioning in the way she said them. She’d made up her mind, and somehow that made everything worse. “I’ve spent every moment chasing time, and instead of gaining more, I’m losing it. I’m losing my life in the most miserable way possible. I sleep too much, and I’m too tired to do anything. I haven’t eaten a meal I could enjoy in months. I don’t want whatever time I have left to be full of hospital visits, doctor appointments, and cancer treatments.”
I blinked back tears, but it didn’t help. She squeezed my hand for reassurance.
“I want to be at every football game, and I want to cheer embarrassingly loud for both of you. I want movie nights, and I want to watch the sunset,” she told us. “I want time to be your mom while I still can.”
I swallowed hard as I gave up trying not to cry. I’d spent months preparing for this moment. I’d kept up with every appointment and every treatment. I’d done an impossible amount of research. I’d convinced myself that if I planned for the inevitable, maybe it wouldn’t hurt quite so much when it finally arrived.
I was wrong.
Nothing could’ve prepared me for hearing my mom tell me she was ready before I was.
Jude’s gaze remained on the table as tears flowed steadily down his cheeks. It killed me. I knew what this moment meant for him—knew it was everything he was fighting. Where I’d tried to prepare for this, he’d done everything he could to avoid it. This would break him.
Those thoughts only made the tears come faster. Mom was out of her chair before I realized she’d moved. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me the way she always had growing up. Her hand found the back of my head as she kissed my temple.
“Come here,” Mom whispered as she reached for Jude.
He didn’t hesitate, pushing back from the table and folding into the embrace with a choked sob. Mom tucked him against her other side, somehow finding space for both of us as if we both didn’t tower over her small frame. And for just a little while, she held her boys while both of us felt the weight of her decision.
CHAPTER 31
Rhodes
We need to talk about your wedding.
SARIAH: You’re still coming, right?
I’ll try my best, but Mom… she’s giving up on treatment.
You have 1 missed phone call
SARIAH: Answer the phone, please.
You have 2 missed phone calls
I can’t talk right now. I’ll try to be there, I promise.
SARIAH: I don’t care about the wedding. I’m worried about you.
I know you’re doing the whole no-phones check-in thing, but I need to ask for an exception. I can’t not have it because if something happens and I don’t know, I’ll never forgive myself.
SARIAH: Not even a question.
SARIAH: Whatever you need.