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“Damn it.”
“Jude.”
“Fine!” he exclaimed. “I’ll do it for Theo.”
Of course he would. For Theo it was easy, but it wasn’t the right reason.
“You’ll do it for you,” I corrected. “College football will only last so long, Jude. If you’re half as smart as I think you are, you have more opportunity ahead of you than being just a gym dude.”
His entire face changed.
“I like being a gym dude,” Jude replied, his voice dripping with sarcasm as he mocked me. “Not everyone wants to be some fucking rocket scientist, Rhodes. That’s all you. I’m just fine doing me.”
And there it was—the problem with trying to push Jude toward something without knowing what he actually wanted. I wasn’t trying to make him into me. I just didn’t want him waking up five years from now realizing he'd thrown away choices because nobody bothered to tell him they were his to make.
“And what are you going to do when you graduate—”
“Come on!” Jude exclaimed. “We talked about this!”
“Yeah, and you haven’t given me an answer,” I shot back. “What do you want to do with your life when you’re done here? What’re you going to do? Just skate through life? See where the wind takes you? When you leave—”
“I’m not going anywhere!” he damn near shouted over me. “I’m not you! I’m not leaving Mom with that asshole!”
The conversation came to a screeching halt. Jude had always been close with her. Even when I wasn't around enough to see it firsthand, I’d known that much. Since coming home, I’d realized just how deeply their lives were woven together. He checked on her constantly, adjusted his schedule around appointments without saying anything, and stayed home more than any college kid his age probably wanted to.
And underneath all of that was Dad, the man Jude didn’t trust to take care of her alone. I couldn’t exactly blame him for that either.
“Okay,” I whispered. Whatever argument I’d been prepared to make disappeared. I wasn’t touching that conversation just because I wanted an answer tonight.
“I’m sorry,” Jude replied quietly. The anger left him almost as quickly as it had appeared.
“No, you’re right.” The admission tasted bitter because he was right. I’d left. Whatever reasons I’d had didn't change the burdens I’d inadvertently left him with.
“Yeah, but I don’t have to be a dick about it.”
“Maybe,” I said. I took a breath, choosing my next words more carefully. “But, Jude, I’m not asking you to leave Everdale. You have two years of college left. Even if she beats—”
“When,” he corrected quickly. “When she beats it.”
“When,” I conceded because he needed it to be true. “When she beats cancer, you’re still going to have a life after that. You have to figure out your life, too, Jude. You can still get a good education and get a good job while staying in Everdale to be close to her.”
“Yeah…” He chewed his bottom lip and stared across the room, suddenly fascinated by anything that wasn’t me. That was another thing I’d learned about Jude. The louder his emotions got, the quieter he became once the jokes stopped working.
“You don’t have to leave Everdale,” I reassured him once more. “But you can’t live on college football for the rest of your life.”
“Not like you?” His gaze flicked toward me, and there was enough teasing returning to it that I relaxed slightly.
“I’m a fucking rocket scientist. This is temporary,” I retorted. “If you want to do something with sports, there are a lot of options out there for you that aren’t just playing college football.”
That was all I wanted: for him to understand he had options. He didn’t have to become me. He just needed to stop cutting off possibilities before he’d even looked at them.
“Like a rocket scientist turned college football coach?” Jude’s grin widened.
“Fucker,” I snapped and resisted the urge to toss something at him. Old habits die hard and all that shit. “I’m trying to help you here.”
“I know, and I appreciate it. Maybe I’ll look into being a fitness influencer,” he told me. “Oh, a fitfluencer! That’s better than being a rocket scientist.”
“I will fucking kill you,” I threatened, all talk and no bite.
