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‘Sofa then?’ he suggests. I nod my head.

Adam lays me down on the sofa and gets on top of me, our kissing quickly resuming, like we’ve got a lot to catch up on.

He starts kissing his way down my neck, ever so slowly, then my chest, then my stomach, each kiss getting lower and lower. I savour the moment, the anticipation killing me, but I can feel my sober thoughts creeping back in, my common sense screaming at me, telling me to think with my brain for a moment, because as good as this feels right now, it’s just a moment, just a night – tomorrow the world will look different and if I want this thing with Adam to be real then we need to start things properly. Not like this.

It pains me to do it, I’m sure I’ll hate myself tomorrow, but…

‘Stop,’ I call out, just as he gets to the bottom of my stomach. ‘I can’t do this.’

Still on top of me, Adam moves back up to eye level.

‘I mean, it’s not that I don’t want to do this, I want to do this more than anything, especially that thing you were just about to do,’ I assure him, ‘but I really, really think we need to clear the air with your brother first, just to make sure there are no wires crossed. I just… I’ve told him, a few times, that I want to be just friends, and that I’m not ready for a relationship, and… I don’t know, we all need to live together, and it’s going to look bad if I said I wasn’t ready, but I’m clearly fine with you and me getting together and… I just need to smooth things over. Then we can do… this.’

I know I’m babbling, and I’m probably overthinking things – as I so often do – but I know that I’ll only stress about things if I don’t think I’ve done them right. I messed up my last relationship by being a bystander when I should have acted. I can’t do that again.

I don’t know where Si’s head is at, if dating me was just a way to piss my brother off, or if it developed into real feelings, but the last thing I want to do is come between them. Better they clear the air first. That way, Adam and I might actually stand a chance.

Adam pulls himself up so that he is kneeling in front of me, and as I look up at his incredible body I can’t help but regret every word I just said, but I know that it’s the right thing to do.

‘I understand,’ he says. ‘Obviously I don’t like it.’ He smiles. ‘But I understand, and it not only makes me like you so much more, but it makes me want you so, so much more.’

I pull myself up and give him a peck on the lips.

‘I should get to bed,’ I tell him.

‘Yep,’ he says, grinning, willing me to change my mind with his eyes.

‘Goodnight,’ I tell him as I force my feet to work.

‘Sweet dreams, gorgeous,’ Adam calls after me.

‘You too,’ I call back.

What am I doing? He’s mine, right now, and I’m walking away from him.

It’s the right thing to do, it’s the right thing to do, it’s the right thing to do…

I just need to try to fall asleep before I change my mind.

43

I wake with a start as I hear loud banging and shouting noises coming from downstairs. It’s light outside but it’s still early. I’m a combination of hungover and exhausted, and it takes all my energy to jump out of bed. I’m still only wearing my underwear, but there’s no time to grab anything; this sounds like an emergency.

I rush into the living room without a second thought. Obviously I was never going to be able to take on a burglar, but I’m even less equipped for what I come face to face with: Si attacking Adam.

‘You arsehole, you fucking arsehole,’ Si yells as he throws random items from the living room at Adam, who bats them away and tries to reason with Si.

‘Si, what’s going on?’ I ask.

He sounds sort of drunk, but something has definitely made him angry.

He slowly turns to face me with a look of pure rage on his face. I look to Adam for an explanation, and that’s when I realise why Si is so angry.

Poor Adam has no idea, but there are fake tan marks all over his body. Adam’s eyes narrow as he clocks the corresponding white marks on my skin. What he doesn’t know is that Si is all too familiar with my adventures in fake tan.

‘Si, I can explain,’ I say as he approaches me.

I’m not sure what’s worse, the brown marks I left around Adam’s body that clearly show I wrapped my arms and legs around him, or the white patch of skin that stretches from my mouth to my knickers, coupled with the fact that Adam has fake tan marks all around his own mouth.