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‘So, er, is Becka coming tonight?’ I ask him, but I instantly wish I hadn’t because it reactivates the awkwardness between us.
‘No, she isn’t,’ he replies, and that’s that.
‘Adam, wait.’ I grab his arm to stop him walking away. ‘Look, I don’t know what’s happened but I really miss what we had before,’ I admit. ‘Maybe there’s a conversation we need to have, I don’t know, but please can we just go back to being friends?’
Adam seems to soften but we’re far from being back to normal.
‘Okay,’ he replies. ‘Let’s just have fun tonight.’
I follow him downstairs where we find Si sitting on the sofa with his feet up. There’s football on TV, his sleeves are rolled up and his tie is loosened.
‘You’re not ready,’ I point out. ‘We’ve got to leave in five minutes.’
I know he’s the kind of guy who insists he can get ready quickly, but five minutes isn’t much time at all, is it? His curly hair is looking messy after what was probably a hectic day at work. He looks like he could do with a shower too.
‘I’m not going,’ he tells us, keeping his eyes on the TV.
‘Why not?’ I ask.
‘Because – GOAL!’ he shouts before composing himself again. ‘Because I’ve been working all week and I’m tired. I just want to relax, not go to a noisy gig.’
‘Gigs are supposed to be noisy,’ I remind him with a smile.
Si pretty much ignores me. Adam raises his eyebrows.
I mean, it’s up to him if he wants to go, I don’t mind if he does or he doesn’t, but he told me he really wanted to, so I went out of my way to get him onto the guest list, not wanting to leave him out – now it seems like he’s changed his mind.
I know what it’s like when you’re tired, when you can’t quite find the motivation to get up, get dressed and get out of the house. Sometimes all you need is a bit of encouragement, something to put the spring back in your step.
‘Well, I’ll go book us a taxi if you’re not driving us,’ Adam says, nodding towards the beer in Si’s hand.
With Adam out of the room, I take a seat next to Si, to see if it’s just a bit of gentle encouragement he needs.
‘Are you sure you don’t want to come with us?’ I check.
‘Yeah, I’m sure, I thought the two of you might like some time alone,’ he says. ‘You’ve been getting a lot of that recently…’
His voice trails off. Does he think something is going on between me and Adam? Is it bothering him? I couldn’t have been clearer with him that I wasn’t looking for a relationship and that there was nothing beyond friendship between us.
‘Well, we are working together,’ I remind him. ‘And tonight is work, but it will still be fun. I thought you wanted to come?’
‘Just leave it, Lia,’ he replies.
I don’t know why he’s being so odd.
‘Si…’
Si gets up from the sofa and glances into the hallway to see if Adam is there.
‘You think I don’t see what’s going on?’ he says to me, sort of angrily.
‘Nothing’s going on,’ I protest, but Si doesn’t seem interested in what I have to say.
‘I have eyes, Lia, two of them and they work just fine,’ he says, keeping his voice low enough so that Adam doesn’t hear him. ‘You’re blowing hot and cold with me. One minute you’re saying you want to take things slow, and I respect that, really, I do. But the next minute you’re trying to walk in on me in the bathroom – accidentally on purpose, it would seem. Then you’re blowing cold again, cosying up to my brother. Now you’re inviting me out. I can’t be doing with these mixed messages, I’m too old for this, Lia.’
For a moment I don’t really know what to say. I mean, I do, I want to tell him to piss off, because who the hell does he think he is, saying all of that like it’s true? He has misread all of this completely. I shouldn’t get angry; that won’t help anything. I just need to tell him, plainly, exactly how things are.
‘Si, listen, I really appreciate you letting me live here with you both, it was a lifeline right when I needed one, but I meant what I said at dinner: I’m not ready for anything, or anyone. I’m not blowing hot and cold on you – I really did accidentally walk in on you in the shower, I would never do that on purpose. I love living here, and I’m loving my new job – I finally feel like I’m getting my life back on track. As far as relationships go, I’m not trying to start anything, I need time to get my head together – and, look, if you need me to move out, I can absolutely do that,’ I insist.