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‘We didn’t have champagne when I got my job – and I wasn’t on a trial period,’ Rory can’t help but whine.

I stick my tongue out at my big brother, and my mum tells me off for not being ladylike.

‘Erm, it’s a proper job, it’s just that I’m starting with this project,’ I point out. ‘I’m sure it will lead to more work too, if I do a good job.’

‘Lia, you can’t mess this opportunity up,’ my dad reminds me. ‘You’ve got to make this work.’

Bloody hell, no pressure then.

We’re all eating lunch together. Mum has made something special, in honour of my news. Roast chicken, vegetables, Yorkshire puddings – the works. She’s one of those mums who shows affection with food – and she’s really good at it too, so it’s not like I mind.

‘So, what’s it like where you’re living now?’ my mum asks, passing me a plate of roasted vegetables. ‘Is it horrible, living with two men?’ She shudders. ‘Oh God, I can’t believe my daughter is living with two men.’

‘I can’t believe she’s living with Si,’ Rory adds.

‘It’s fine, Mum. Really,’ I insist. ‘It’s a nice place to live, and my new job should mean that I can get my own place soon.’

‘Don’t get ahead of yourself,’ my dad chimes in, a serious look in his eyes.

‘Yeah, you still might mess this up,’ Rory adds, not missing a beat.

‘Rory,’ my mum scolds him, then turns to me with a more tactful tone. ‘You should remember what went wrong at your previous job, Lia. Relationships at work never work out.’

‘You don’t need to worry,’ I tell her, trying to sound more confident than I feel. ‘I’m focused on this job and making it work.’

But now that she’s brought it up, maybe she’s right; maybe I do have a weakness there. If I want to keep this job then I need to keep focused on the job, and only the job, and not let myself get distracted. And absolutely no workplace relationships.

I think I might need to write that one on my hand.

22

‘Erm, Mel, I’m not sure this is drying,’ I tell her as I prod my stomach and examine my finger.

‘It will,’ Mel insists. ‘We all just have to keep very still until it does.’

I am currently at Angie’s house and Mel has just given all three of us spray tans, only it doesn’t appear to be drying – or developing, so that’s a plus at least.

I don’t know why we need spray tans in October, when every inch of my body is going to be hidden under tights, boots and a coat, but Mel insists ‘glowing’ is seasonless. Personally, I think she’s trying to turn me into a pumpkin.

‘How long does it take to develop?’ Angie asks.

‘Fucked if I know,’ Mel replies. ‘Hopefully, before we reach the pub.’

Tonight – you’ve guessed it – we’re all going to the pub. And I mean all of us. Me, Mel, Angie, Si and Adam.

As we stand around in our paper underwear – which doesn’t actually seem to be covering anything – Tim bursts through the door without knocking.

‘Babe, what time…’ His voice trails off as he realises we are all basically naked and his tongue hangs out of his mouth like a dog.

I grab a towel to cover myself but Mel and Angie don’t even flinch.

‘What’s up, babe?’ Angie asks him.

‘What time are you going?’ he eventually asks.

‘As soon as we’re ready,’ she replies.

‘But when will you be ready?’ Tim asks Angie as he stares at me.