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“Of course I wanted you.” I can’t take my eyes off his spinning lips.

He shakes his head in disbelief. “You’ve been drinking. You don’t even know what you're saying, Billie.”

“No—I’ve been drinking, and that’s why I know exactly what I’m saying.” I freeze instantly, feeling every part of his body tighten.

“I’m not gonna kiss you right now.” He pulls my chin up to look at him, his jaw now relaxed. “But I will one day. And one day we’ll be more too. I promise you that.”

Yelling comes from outside the closed door. It sounds like there’s a fight. I stare toward the direction of the noise, my ears ringing. I don’t want to leave this room without kissing Sean.

“Let’s go dance some more.” He pulls me up by my arms.

“But, I—”

“Not like this, Billie.”

Gosh, why does he have to be such a gentleman? His hand grazes the sides of my arms, comforting me.

I pull his hands up and over my shoulders and rest my head on his chest, forcing a hug. I can feel a rise in my chest, tears threatening to fall.

“It’s not fair,” I whisper.

Sean doesn’t say anything else, he just pulls me in, wrap-ping his arms tight and kissing the top of my head.

I already know I’m going to dream about him tonight.

6

Present Day

My reflection looks slightly less unpleasant than it was yesterday, so at least there’s that. Effort hasn’t exactly been something I’ve been worried about since Graham left.

I desperately need a haircut. My dead ends are creeping up on me like a ghost in an empty hallway. In an attempt to disguise them and boost my self-esteem, I curled my hair and put extra blush and mascara on. It’s working a little.

I tilt my head, turning around and doing a twirl to check for stains or any loose strands from my blouse. I’m wearing my best jeans that make my figure look great. You can’t notice my hip dips, that have seemed to have gotten worse with age.

I’ve had a lot of confidence in myself when it came to men in the past, but Sean isn’t just any man.

He’s the one that got away.

When I walk through the front door and up the steps inside the coffeehouse, Sean is already seated at a table in the back corner. The building has stained glass windows and the exterior is a sharp steeple. Just as Sean said, it does look like a church. They have benches with tables spread out in the small seating area. Where Sean is sitting, there are large chairs with cozy pillows and a round coffee table.

His right leg is bouncing up and down. It stops as he checks his watch once, then the bouncing continues.

His head lifts from what I’m sure is my heels clinking against the wood floors.

The least I could do is wear wedges, like I used to. Maybe the familiar clothes would make this more comfortable with him.

He waves with a confident smile.

He’s aged so well. He has small laugh lines on his cheeks that are new, but it makes him even more attractive.

“Hey,” he says as he pushes his hands down against his legs, brushing off his nerves. He instantly composes himself.

“Hi, Sean.” I awkwardly go in for a hug. It seemed like the right thing to do, but I immediately regret it when I smell his cologne.

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine that seeing him would make me feel this fire again. I wish I had a bucket of water to throw on myself.

A stirring sets in my stomach. I could very well vomit, but I can’t walk out the door now. It would be too embarrassing.