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He trembled as he lifted the spout cover away, his arm shaking as he poured the water over the leaves in the pot. ‘He didn’t wake us up as he usually does around five. Always up with the birds, our Alfie,’ he said, tears beginning to roll down his cheeks. ‘Sorry.’
‘Please don’t be. This is the saddest of all situations. You’re allowed to show it.’
‘I want to be strong for Claire.’
‘You will be. You’ll be strong for each other. Claire’s incredibly stoic.’
‘What do we do next?’
‘Well, if you can encourage her to drink a sweet cup of tea, I’ll do the rest. You can trust me – I won’t rush her. But I will have to take Alfie from you both, because I can tell it’s been a few hours now and, well, I won’t go into the details. It’s important I take care of him for you.’
‘Can you make all the arrangements?’
‘Yes, of course. There’s a small chapel attached to our funeral home that you are welcome to use, unless you’d rather—’
‘No, that sounds good. My family are all too far away to anticipate they’d come. They’re also . . .’
Fleur waited.
Jamie shrugged. ‘As you know, I grew up in the north on a far-flung farm. Country people are just more . . .’ He searched for the right word.
‘Accepting?’ Fleur offered, hoping she’d found it for him.
‘Yes. Death happens. It tends to be more obvious when you live in an unforgiving landscape as I did, and I gather your Tom was raised in, too.’
She nodded, looked down, hating the mention of Tom. ‘Yes, he mentioned how challenging it is.’
‘My folk are not hard-hearted, but I reckon they would resign to the loss faster. They’d remind me that we have three bonny kids, all rosy-cheeked and healthy, and we’ve lost a baby who hasn’t yet developed into a little boy who knows us or knows about life.’
Fleur swallowed. This was exactly where she sensed so many people – mainly men – went wrong. But she held her tongue and was glad of it when he continued.
‘I don’t subscribe to that, Fleur. I have to say I was as much in love with Alfie as I am with Will or Matti or my beautiful Susan. To suggest I’d miss him less is to reduce him somehow.’
All she could do was nod.
‘But I understand their attitude, where it’s come from and that it’s not meant to be cruel. It’s about finding resilience and accepting the reality of life . . . that it isn’t always kind.’
Fleur gave a soft smile. ‘Claire would know all this too. I suspect her time as a nurse in difficult places has prepared her more than any of us.’
‘I would have thought so too, and she was certainly readying herself, but now that the moment has arrived, she’s reacting like any mother feeling bereft.’ Jamie shook his head. ‘When should the funeral happen?’
‘How about tomorrow? I know it’s fast, but I’ve found in these instances, it’s better to hold the funeral as soon as possible.’ Fleur didn’t want to start explaining about how quickly their little boy’s body was cooling and changing. She needed to get Alfie back to the mortuary quickly. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll make all the arrangements and I’ll telephone you with the details.’
He straightened his hair and then did it again in a motion of fidgeting. ‘Er, Fleur, we . . . we don’t have a lot of cash just at the moment. We ploughed everything into this house for the children. But I do have an odd job and Claire starts her work shortly.’
‘You won’t need anything other than the cemetery’s burial costs, which will be minimal. About three pounds. I will be waiving all costs for my involvement.’
‘What?’ He looked stunned. ‘Why?’
‘It’s your baby, Jamie. I can’t possibly do anything but donate my time, my care and everything else that an undertaker provides.’
‘But the coffin . . . I was warned it could be expen—’
‘As I said, don’t think on any of that again. Let me do this for your family, as a friend.’
‘I don’t know what to say,’ he said, embarrassed.
‘Let’s comfort Claire, and let me take care of Alfie from here.’