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Heather smiled as she heard the satisfaction in Jim’s voice. “You’re so big on beating people up, I’m surprised you didn’t want to take him behind the building,” she teased.
“It crossed my mind, but I like to consider that a last resort. Besides, I prefer the idea of his being in prison for a long time.”
“Brian came by to see us,” she said, remembering the disbelieving but thrilled expression on the boy’s face. “He couldn’t get over the fact that we believed in him.”
“He’s got a crush on you,” Jim said.
“I know. But you’re the one he’s going to worship now. I think he’d change the rotation of the earth if you asked him to.”
“I like things the way they are.” Jim sounded uncomfortable. “All I want him to do is get good grades in school and show up for work on time.”
She could imagine him shifting in his chair, a little embarrassed by Brian’s gratitude and very happy to have been able to help the boy.
“I don’t think you have to worry about Brian. In his mind, he has something to prove. He wants you to know that he’s worthy of your trust, so I predict we’ll be seeing a straight-A student this year.”
“That’s not a bad thing,” Jim said. He was quiet for a second. “I keep thinking about how hard this was on him. He’s too young to have to wrestle with this sort of thing. I can’t believe Bernie threatened him. I know Brian feels guilty for not coming to me right away, but I understand why he was scared. It would be his word against Bernie’s. Brian was the new guy, and a kid, while Bernie was a supposedly trusted pilot.”
“What a dilemma,” Heather agreed, thinking that Jim had had his share of impossible situations.
Many people said the past didn’t matter, but Heather didn’t agree with them. She believed everyone carried around pieces of their past and that they were the reason for certain ways of behaving. She still hadn’t figured out all the ways Jim was reacting to his past, but he was still afraid to connect, afraid to love.
“You all right?” Jim asked.
“Fine.”
“You’re quiet.”
“I’m just thinking about everything that’s happened.” She glanced at the clock. “I know it’s late, but would you like to come over?” She hesitated, remembering what had happened the previous evening. “This isn’t necessarily an invitation into my bed as much as a desire to be with a good friend. I think I need that right now.”
She wanted to see him and hold him and have him tell her that everything was going to be all right. She wanted to know that what they’d shared the previous night had mattered to him as much as it had mattered to her.
“Thanks, Heather, but I can’t. As you said, it’s late. I still have some work to catch up on before I can go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. Bye.”
He was gone. She stared at the receiver, not quite able to believe that he’d hung up on her. Just like that. She wasn’t sure what it meant, but she didn’t like it. There had been something odd about his voice. Something that made her wonder if there was a problem between them.
Had their becoming lovers changed everything? Had they crossed that line and was there no going back? Or was it something else? Was it about Brian and what he’d faced? Had Brian’s fears mirrored Jim’s own until he felt compelled to run and hide from her?
Was this the secret she’d been searching for? Was this the reason Jim had never married or even been seriously involved with a woman? Fear of his past? Fear that he wouldn’t be enough?
And how on earth was she supposed to be able to break through that particular barrier? Flo had said he was worth fighting for. Heather agreed. But there wouldn’t be much of a battle if one of the participants refused to show up.
Chapter Fourteen
“You’re avoiding me,” Heather said nearly two weeks later as she and Jim settled on her sofa. They had just enjoyed their first dinner together since the night they’d made love. “At first I thought you just weren’t speaking to me, but then it became pretty obvious you were avoiding me completely.”
She’d practiced half a dozen opening lines, some funny, some charming, but in the end had decided on the truth. It had taken her a couple of days to figure out what was going on. In the trauma of dealing with the aftermath of Brian’s arrest and having the police search the hangar, it had been easy to let everything else go. But then she’d realized that the easy companionship she’d taken for granted had disappeared so completely it was as if it had never been.
She couldn’t believe Jim had changed so much. Then she’d noticed him watching her when he thought she wasn’t looking. There had been something almost lost in his vulnerable gaze, and that unnamed, but pain-filled expression had persuaded her to step back and get a little perspective on the situation.
Obviously, making love had been the catalyst for this change between them. There had been a fundamental shift in how they thought about each other and now they had two choices. They could either accept the change and go on from there, or they would have to work very hard to return to where they’d been before. Heather couldn’t decide what she wanted, but after a while that had ceased to matter. What was most important was that she’d lost a special friendship in her life. First she had to find out if there was a way to get it back.
Jim angled toward her on the sofa. His gaze settled on her face and he studied her as if seeing her for the first time. She stared at his strong jawline, the firm yet tender mouth, the expressive eyes and dark hair. As she catalogued features that had become both familiar and dear, she wondered what she was going to do if he told her he didn’t want to be friends anymore. Her life, which had recently seemed so satisfying and abundant, would grow a little smaller and colder.
She thought he might be angry, but instead he smiled at her. “I see you don’t believe in polite conversation first,” he said. “You just jump straight to the point.”
“Our dinner was one of polite conversation.”
“I suppose it was.” He drew in a breath. “You’re right. I have been avoiding you. It wasn’t the most intelligent or sensitive way to handle the situation, but I didn’t know what else to do.”
