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She smiled and I knew instantly from the smile that she’d done something impossibly ornery. “I got you a surprise.”

My eyes narrowed. “A good surprise or a bad surprise?”

“The best surprise. It’s going to change your life.”

“You’re finally going to let me put it in? Thank God.”

“No. Shut up. Go look in my passenger seat.”

I obeyed her, shooting her suspicious looks the whole time. She just looked too smug for it to be anything but a joke. A joke on me—not with me—going by the unholy light in her eyes.

I opened the car door to find an impossibly tiny black ball of fluff staring at me. It yapped once, then again. “What,” I asked through my teeth, “is that?”

“That is Machiavelli. We’ll call her Mac for short. She’s a teacup poodle.”

“What,” I asked, still through my teeth, “is it doing in your car?”

“Arriving at its new home. It’s our pet.”

I almost dropped the issue right then just for the fact that she’d said ‘our’ and it fascinated me. Still, it was just too much, even from her.

I stayed on task. “Did it not occur to you,” I gritted out, “that I don’t have any pets in my house because I don’t want any. I don’t pretend to know the meaning of life, but I’m positive I’m not here to pick up some other animal’s shit.”

She was impressively unaffected by my speech. “You’ll change your mind within the week. You’re going to fall in love with her.”

“What do you want to bet?”

“I’ll give her back if you don’t, we’ll keep her if you do.”

“Kind of straightforward stakes. How about we throw your virginity on the table, as well?”

I saw her face.

“Fine. Fine. I guess it works. Deal.”

“Now pick her up,” Ro told me.

I glared at her, but I did it. It was like holding fluffy air. She weighed literally nothing and stared up at me like I was her entire reason for existing. What a strange creature.

“Machiavelli is not a proper pet name,” I told Ro, still staring at the stupid little dog. “Let alone a girl one. Why would you even… ?”

She shrugged. “I thought it was funny. She’s not even two pounds and she’s not likely to top out at more than four. I wanted to give her an impactful name. Tiny body, mighty spirit.”

“And Machiavelli was the first thing that came to mind?”

“It made me think of you and it was funny. Quit making everything so complicated, cupcake.”

“Machiavelli reminds you of me?” I was more than a touch insulted by that. “And you know, I came up with cupcake for you. It’s a little offensive that you can’t even be bothered to come up with a unique endearment in return.”

“Really? That… offends you? You want… a unique endearment?” Her voice was rich with fascination.

I handed her the ball of fluff and folded my arms. “I don’t think that’s too much to ask.”

“Okay, tall boy.”

“No. No. No.” I pointed at her. “Stop that. An affectionate one, not something filthy.”

“You have a problem with filth now? Are you feeling okay?”