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Of course, deadpan was easy when you were dead inside. Still it did the trick.

I couldn’t stifle a laugh, instead just let it out. Christian didn’t care. He just smiled and toasted the air.

That was how Corbin, the vampire slayer found us, laughing and lazing about like we did this every day.

Dammit, we were kind of relaxing.

“Buffy!” I called out.

He smiled and sat on the foot of my lounger, just as though he was one of the guys. He could be. I thought he’d fit in well with our demented little group.

“Barbie,” he said to me, “we need to talk.”

I sat up a bit. That sounded ominous. “Sure. Shoot.”

“Something is going on, something bad.”

This was hardly news. You might say it was the story of my life.

“Beyond the usual bad shit,” he continued. “I haven’t seen a vamp in months, which never happens. They’ve gone into hiding, deep hiding, and that worries the hell out of me. The necros, as well. No sign of them anywhere. The druids want to think that our last raid was just that effective, and they may have had a point if we were just talking necros. But we’re not. Vamps are different, and no one knows them like I do. If they’ve gone this deep into hiding, they are planning something, something that involves multiple kisses working together, and if they are thinking enough to collude, I have a fucking problem with it, and we all have a fucking problem in general.”

That was a bit to process, so I just looked at him while I thought about it.

“I have a tendency to be paranoid,” he continued, making me like him more by the word, “but I think they’re working together. I think we should be preparing for some sort of a mass attack.”

“You don’t know us very well, mate,” Christian said with a smile. “We’re always preparing ourselves for an attack. The good news, though, is that I think you might be paranoid enough to join our little club.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Corbin said dryly.

“No, no, no, you’re doing it wrong.” Christian explained, “In the paranoid club, you’re only ever supposed to get more worried.”

“So this is what you guys are doing today?” Corbin asked, looking suspicious, like we were up to something.

“We were ordered to relax,” Christian explained.

“None of us can figure out what that means. We were thinking about getting manis and pedis next.”

“Dom thinks that this casino is where Jillian needs to stay to keep out of trouble,” Caleb added, skepticism in every word.

“It seems to be working,” Corbin pointed out.

I snorted, and all three of them looked at me. “Caleb is right. This place is nowhere to be if you want to stay out of trouble.”

“Yes, it’s been terribly dangerous so far, lounging at the pool,” said Christian.

I shook my head. “You don’t get it. There are things about the druids that no one seems to understand.” I pitched my voice low, paranoid even mentioning it. “They have more secrets than we even thought. Dark secrets.”

“Of course you must know that they’re the Illuminati,” Christian threw out like he’d been waiting for the chance.

I laughed hard. “Not what I was referring to, but I like where your head’s at.”

“No, they really are,” he insisted.

No one could stop laughing.

“And they’re taking over the music industry,” he continued. “I saw it in a Rihanna music video…and a Beyoncé video…and a Katy Perry video. The bastards even got Taylor Swift.”

I’d needed that, so I smiled at him. “Don’t forget Jay-Z.”