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I squinted at him when he gave me a sly smile. He wanted me to hit him. “I’ve been feeling things for you for a while that I didn’t expect to feel for anyone. It’s why I’ve been such a mess. But…”
“But?”
“It’s complicated.”
Not only did I not understand what being his mate meant beyond the emotional and physical reactions, but I couldn’t reconcile the feelings I had for Zeke. Though my feelings for Ash were far more intense, a growing flame burned in my heart for Zeke and his perfectly imperfect, sweet soul.
“I know your boss dropped this on you without warning.” He shook his head. “I don’t think any of us could’ve approached it any better.”
“Honestly, I’d rather hear it straight. The whole thing is confusing enough.” I reached for my water on the nightstand and sipped.
He ran a hand over his mouth. “Yeah, maybe Ezra is better suited to talk about this with you.”
“What?” I choked, almost spilling my water. “No. Definitely not.” My expression soured as I set the glass back on the nightstand. “Sure, he’s direct, but too intense. Besides, I’d rather talk to you about this.”
He turned, drawing a knee up on the bed to face me. I was surprised his thick thighs didn’t rip the seams of his jeans. “There’s a lot we don’t understand about it. Like you heard, not only is it unheard of for a human to be with our kind, but no one’s ever documented a Shyrlivi mating with three or more people.”
“But they don’t think I’m their mate.”
“I believe Ezra does, and I know Zeke does.”
“Well, Cyn doesn’t. Not that I mind.” My shoulders sagged when I thought of what had happened downstairs.
Why did I let him kiss me?
Idiot.
“Either way, Ezra and I don’t really mesh, and he doesn’t want me as a mate anyway. And Zeke…” I shook my head. “This is weird. I’ve only just started to feel comfortable pursuing a basic relationship. You know… dating, movies, dinner, sex… not marriage and babies.”
“Babies?” His eyebrows rose, eyes widening.
“You know what I mean!” I whacked his leg. “Big step stuff. In this case, soulmates. There isn’t even an engagement period for that. Just… wham. We’re some bonded soul thingy.”
His large hands settled on my legs, grounding me. “Easy. We’re not bonded, for starters.”
“We’re not?”
“No, beautiful, we’re not.”
“But you said…”
“I said we’re mates. And we are.” His warm hands enveloped mine, gentle and reassuring. “But we’re not tethered until we seal our mate bond.”
“What if we don’t?”
A knot formed between his brows, and he swallowed hard, as if in pain. “If we don’t, the connection between us remains faint, but even that’s intense.”
“I don’t understand.”
“To reject a mate, or if they die, it can break the mind. If you’re not fully bonded, it can cause moodiness, headaches, getting sick a lot—nothing you can’t manage with medication.” The corner of his mouth lifted in a half smile, trying to reassure me when I frowned at his words. “But bonded mates? Rejection or loss after bonding can kill or drive us insane. Separation for too long can make us extremely ill.”
“That’s awful.”
Losing my sanity was my greatest fear. I couldn’t bear the thought of growing old with my mate, only to lose them and then lose my mind. I’d rather be dead.
He squeezed my leg. “Some bonds are strong enough that nothing happens unless the Nyrith is lost in a tragic way.”
“So it’s a game of chance?”
