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Zane had no rebuttal for that, but he still felt guilty for going to the worst-case scenario.
“Still, I’m sorry.”
Asa groaned, then kissed Zane’s cheeks and nose and chin. “Stop apologizing. I get that your mom fucked up a lot of things for you. We just want to try to unfuck as many of them as we can.”
“Did you tell Felix and Avi not to come home?” Zane finally asked.
“No, it was Felix’s idea. He said we needed some alone time. That you might need some reassurance of your place in my life.” Asa’s fingers stilled against Zane’s side. “Is that true, Lois? Do you doubt how important you are to me?”
Zane closed his eyes. “You can’t ask me this shit when I’m all cum-drunk and vulnerable.”
Asa snorted. “Sure I can. It’s the only time I know you won’t lie to me to make me feel better.”
Zane sighed, keeping his eyes closed and trying to organize his thoughts into something more than, I’m really insecure. Sorry.
“I never doubt that I’m important to you. I just sometimes wonder…”
Asa frowned. “Wonder what?” he asked, his voice sharp.
Zane felt this unbearable tightness in his chest, and for a split second, he worried he was going to cry again.
“I-I just wonder why,” he managed, his voice barely a whisper.
“What do you mean, why?” Asa asked, looking so genuinely mystified that Zane felt stupid for even thinking he was undeserving. “Lois, you…”
Zane’s brow furrowed. “I…?”
“You’re everything to me. I can’t believe you don’t see that. That you don’t get that.” Asa shook his head like Zane had just presented him with a problem whose premise made no fucking sense. “This thing between us…it’s cosmic. It’s something so deeply ingrained in me that it’s tied to my DNA. I feel as tied to you as I do to Avi. That’s how much I need you.”
Zane forgot how to breathe.
“The four of us…you, me, Avi, Felix…we work. We are a family within a family. When the twins get here, they’ll be linked to us, too. But you and me…” Asa’s gaze locked onto his. “It’s next level.”
“Are you trying to say you love me?” Zane teased, because he was afraid Asa might see that his heart was about to burst out of his chest.
Asa scoffed. “Love is such a soft word for what I feel for you, Lois. The things I would do for you are…” He stopped, then pressed a hard kiss to Zane’s lips. “I would commit atrocities in your name. I would wage wars, seize countries, sink ships for you.”
Zane’s breath punched from his lungs.
“Wow,” he managed, swallowing the lump in his throat, blinking back more tears. “And here I was just hoping there was cake.”
Asa kissed Zane’s eyelids. “Lois…of course, there’s cake.”
Zane was sore but sated.
He and Asa had stayed up late eating cake in the bathtub, then watched a horror movie that was more silly than scary, before fucking the night away until Zane literally passed out underneath his husband in the early morning hours.
Now, he floated to consciousness in increments, his brain taking note of things long before he was ready to crack open his swollen eyelids.
He was in bed. Someone warm and sleek, with petal-soft skin, lay on top of him, as comforting as a weighted blanket, smelling of herbs and flowers.
Felix.
Somewhere to his left, he heard the shower running, the way the water hit the tile letting Zane know someone was already under the water.
Asa.
He vaguely remembered Asa saying he had a meeting at nine-thirty, but he’d cancel for Zane if he wanted.
