Page 189

Ana took out an envelope from her jacket pocket.

‘First, the letter I wrote to her a few days after the funeral. The one I put away with her hospital paperwork, the ultrasound pictures where she was sucking her tiny thumb, plus the imprint of her little foot.’

‘Go ahead, Mama.’

Ana opened the pouch, took the piece of paper from within it and read it, her voice steady and calm:

‘My dearest Estella, I miss you so much. When I first saw those two pink lines on my pregnancy test, I was so happy, filled with pure joy. My whole world revolved around you, and I was sure that we’d build a beautiful life together. So many people already loved you, including your brother, your dad, and me. We never got to take you home, but I know when our time on earth is up, our family will be reunited. I can’t wait to wrap my arms around you, tell you how proud I am to be your mum, and learn every detail of who you are. I spent nights talking to you, telling you how much I treasured and needed you, pleading with you to hold on. But you couldn’t stay. You are destined for heaven. I’m so thankful for the happiness you brought us for those few months in my tummy. My love for you can’t be measured. You existed. You are loved, my beautiful baby girl, until we meet again.’

We sat in silence for a beat.

‘That was ace, Mum,’ Raff said.

‘Very moving, malkia,’ I murmured. I kissed her forehead. ‘Thank you.’

Rising to my feet, I took the small receptacle from my pack and unscrewed the cap with a steady hand.

I released the pale dust into the air.

Ana followed, and I studied her, searching for any sign it was becoming too much for her.

However, my Queen remained composed, giving me a little smile as her urn emptied.

Raff joined in too, throwing his handful of lilies into the wind.

We then hugged all three of us, eyes on the stunning horizon.

‘I often wonder what her personality would have been, and I picture her happy, always singing or dancing and hella creative,’ I muttered, my throat tightening. ‘Perhaps also with your cheeky streak, Raff.’

‘Hey,’ Raff protested with a grin, ‘she might’ve had your giant feet, as I do, Dad.’

‘She would’ve been magnificent,’ Ana murmured. ‘We might have missed out on birthdays, school runs, and teenage drama, but she’ll always be part of our story.’

I gazed into her eyes, more in love with her than ever.

‘Let’s remember her every year, with a walk here, OK?’ I suggested.

‘Awesome idea,’ Raff said as Ana nodded.

We held each other tight for a long time before turning and leaving the hill behind us.

ANA

MONTHS LATER

Our marriage was incredible, but it was never smooth sailing.

Life was a constant dance between touring schedules, Raff’s school runs, sports fixtures, extended family, and our own work.

Romance didn’t just happen; we had to make room for it.

Deacon was the ultimate boss, however, when it came to making me feel cherished.

I got unannounced deliveries of wildflowers at our door every week and even spontaneous spa retreats for my friends.

He also started leaving iced almond lattes on my desk if we were both working from home.

In turn, I surprised him with the latest releases of the limited-edition army boots he loved, kept his favorite dark chocolates on hand, and looked out for him every single day.