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Aspen follows me into what she calls her princess room. Every January, she chooses a new theme, and we redecorate it together. This year, she wanted pink walls, fairy lights and enough glitter to permanently destroy the carpet.
One of our many traditions.
She climbs beneath her comforter while I collect Beachy from the floor and place him beside her.
“Daddy?” she asks quietly.
“Yeah, baby girl?”
Aspen rubs one of Beachy’s claws between her fingers. “Is Mommy going to call again soon?”
My heart cracks.
This isn’t the first time she’s asked, and I doubt it’ll be the last.
“Hopefully,” I answer. “I’ll send her a message tomorrow.”
“I miss her,” Aspen whispers. “But only sometimes.”
She looks down at Beachy as though she’s worried it’s the wrong thing to say.
I sit beside her on the bed.
“That’s okay, Pen.”
Aspen looks up at me. “It is?”
“Of course it is.” I smooth a loose strand of hair away from her face. “You can miss her sometimes. You can be sad she isn’t here, and you can be happy when you’re not thinking about her. There isn’t a wrong way to feel.”
Her little shoulders relax.
“I don’t want Mommy to think I don’t love her,” she says.
“She knows you love her.”
At least, I hope she does.
Courtney and I were together from high school. We married young because, at the time, it felt like the natural next step. For years, we kept moving forward without stopping to ask whether we still wanted the same life.
Then Aspen came along.
I was elated.
Courtney was too. I know she was.
But by the time Aspen turned three, the cracks between us had become impossible to ignore. I was building Hartwell Motor Co. and finally creating something that belonged to me. Courtney felt trapped in a town and a life she no longer wanted.
The morning she left, she told me she couldn’t do it anymore.
That afternoon, I came home with Aspen in my arms and found Courtney’s belongings gone.
All she left was a note on the kitchen counter.
I’m sorry. X
Since then, there have been occasional phone calls, scattered FaceTimes and one brief visit.
I believe Courtney loves Aspen.