Page 17
“Oh, go fuck yourself,” I grumble.
“Feel better now?” He smiles at me.
I think about it. “To be honest, I do.”
“Good! So, what do you think?”
“About the fact that you’re way too young for me?”
He looks me up and down and a crafty look crosses his face. “Always nice to know where I stand. I meant about hanging out. Which may, or may not, include additional canoodling. If you play your cards right.”
“This is exactly how people lose their kidneys in the hotel bathtub,” I grumble, but then I relent. “Okay. Look, I’m kind of going through something right now. I don’t want to be that guy who’s getting weird on a totally decent man because I haven’t got all my shit sorted out. Because you’re pretty cool, and I’d really be kicking myself for not being cool back.”
Levi raises his hand from the small of my back to my face. He cups my cheek. “Baby boy, I know you think you don’t have your shit together, but that’s life. It doesn’t ask, Are you ready for whatever comes next? It just says, Look alive, bitches. And boom. There it is. Look, I think we both have some shit we don’t want to think about. What if…what if we just took a vacation from all of it? Just for a couple days. We can go to the National Zoo.”
For a second I think I’ve misheard. “The…Zoo?”
“They have panda bears. I’ve never seen a panda bear. And elephants. And stuff. I was sick in the fifth grade when my class went to the Nashville Zoo and I never got to see the zebras and lions and I want to go to the fucking zoo. With you. And we can check out Air and Space, and do a Capitol building tour. Oh! There’s an International Spy Museum where you can totally pretend you don’t recognize anything from your training where you absolutely weren’t learning how to be a spy out in the frozen wastelands of Canada.”
“There’s an International Spy Museum?”
“Yes! What do you think?”
I rub my face. “I think I kind of hate you right now. Because this sounds really tempting.”
“So? Be tempted. What do you say? No strings attached. Just two friends enjoying their time together.”
I blink at him, and, damn him, I feel myself wavering. He’s young. He’ll forget me inside a week after this. Or maybe he might think back on the Canadian guy he hung out with. He’ll get my name wrong by September.
Except.
Twenty-two. Kinfolk at Arlington. One day after that committee asked me, out loud, whether I get too close to young men who have been to war. Put that on a sheet of paper and slide it across a table and I know exactly what it looks like, because I watched them do it.
But he’s not military or a combat veteran, and they can’t keep me celibate for the rest of my life just because they don’t like it.
Nobody’s writing it down. Nobody knows he exists. Levi can be my little secret. And what’s the alternative? Driving back to a townhouse full of boxes with my phone lighting up from people I don’t want to talk to? Eating breakfast cereal for dinner and sitting alone with all the decisions that got me here? Levi is offering me a few days where none of that exists, and I’m not strong enough to say no. I’m not even sure I want to be.
I bite my lip and close my eyes. My phone buzzes on the nightstand—a glance tells me it’s an email from my lawyer, and I silence it without reading. The mirage seems more real than anything else today. I lean forward and kiss him. “Okay, Kitten. But it’s only for while we’re in town together. No promises about after this weekend. You okay with that?”
He stops. “This is the nickname you picked out for me? I am at least a tiger. I deserve an upgrade.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a grown-ass man being called baby boy by a zygote, so simmer down, Kitten.”
He laughs. “So you’re in?”
“I’m in.”
He beams at me. “Good. I want us to enjoy this. You don’t have to tell me everything, but you do have to be honest about how you’re feeling.”
“I can do that.”
He pulls me closer. Overnight he’s picked up the hotel’s soap, and underneath it he still smells like yesterday’s rain. I press my hand to his chest. His heartbeat thumps steadily under my palm, and I find myself matching my breathing to its rhythm without thinking.
“You’re not gonna regret this, baby boy.”
“Too old for that nickname, Kitten.”
“No, you’re not.” He kisses the top of my head. “Come on. Let’s get some food in us and plot a strategy.”
