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“Hey,” he says. His voice isn’t gentle, but for Gavin, it’s as close as it’s going to get to that for someone who isn’t Connor. “Look at me.”
I do as he asks. He’s staring at me with his big brown eyes that are being shaded by the visor on his helmet.
“What’s going on tonight?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “I’m just off.”
A worry line appears on his forehead before he bonks his helmet against mine, bringing us face to face. “You’ve been off since training camp. This is just the first time that it’s affected your game.”
I swallow again, but this time there’s a lump in my throat that’s hard to get around.
He’s right. I haven’t felt like myself in a while. Since before the start of the season, if I’m being honest. Something deeper is wrong. And I better get it together if I don’t want to have another terrible night like this again.
SEVEN
Nikolai
As happy as I am that we just won that game, I’m finding it hard to celebrate with my teammates. I should be thrilled right now, and in a way, I am. I shut the Blizzards out. Not even Connor was able to get a goal past me tonight. For that, I am proud.
But watching Ander get pulled at the end of the second period after O’Shea scored on him, that was rough. Watching their backup goalie, Thompson, hold the net throughout the third period, only getting beaten once by Brandon who was on a roll all night, was strange. That final score of five zero is going to haunt Ander. I know from personal experience.
I have lots of practice in managing my emotions after bad games. In my career in the NHL, I’ve historically had more bad games than good. The complete opposite of Ander. He can probably count on one hand the number of games he’d like back. As for me, I lost count a long time ago. For as much as I wanted my team to win tonight, for as badly as I wanted to beat him, it was never my intention to see him hurt. And that’s what he was. Is. I saw it on him as he watched the final period from the bench. As he walked down the tunnel at the end of the game. As a reporter stopped him before he reached the locker room to ask what happened.
“What are you sulking about?” Danton asks me as he takes a seat beside me to take his skates off. “You just shut out the Stanley Cup champions.”
I shrug. “Not sulking. Contemplating.”
“Contemplating what?” He laughs. “The sweet feeling of revenge against the team that stole the cup from us?”
“They did not steal cup.” I shake my head. “I lost us cup.”
“No, you didn’t.” Danton places his hand on my shoulder. “We were so close. It could have gone either way.”
“And it went their way,” I say, looking down at the floor.
“Well, Ivanov, my good man, it didn’t go their way tonight. So come on. Take your gear off. It’s time to celebrate.”
But I don’t feel like celebrating.
What I feel like doing is taking off all this gear and walking down to the Blizzards locker room to check on Ander. Make him feel better about the way tonight’s game went. There’s no worse time for a goalie than after a bad game and, like I said, it’s an area where I have some experience.
“Hey, Ivanov!” Brandon says as he enters the locker room. He places his helmet on the rack, then takes his jersey off and throws it into the hamper in the center of the room. “Any chance I can get that steak dinner out of you tonight? I’m fucking starving after that!”
“Sure. Do you want it sent to yours and Ryan’s room, or would you prefer to go to restaurant?”
“Who says I’m sharing?” he scoffs.
“I did,” Ryan says as he enters the locker room. He ruffles Brandon’s hair as he walks past him. “And if it’s up to me, yes. I want that sent to our room.”
Brandon places his hands on his hips. “Well, it’s not up to you.” He then turns to look at me. His cheeks flush. “But yeah. The room would be nice.”
“You two order whatever you want. Have them charge my room.”
“Hey!” O’Shea protests. “I’m on that line too! Where’s my dinner?”
Staring at him, I ask, “Do you wish to eat in their room with them?”
He looks at Brandon and Ryan who are side by side stripping off their gear and quietly talking between themselves as if they’re the only two in the room. I secretly enjoy how easy it is for the two of them to float between joking with the team, then blocking out the noise to create a pocket for themselves. In a lot of ways, they’ve hit the jackpot.
