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“So you don’t think I should come out?” I ask as Shutzie scratches at the side of my bed. I lean over and pick him up then place him on my chest. He’s a smart dog. I think he can sense I could use his soft company right now.
“I think you have to do what’s best for you, Ander.” He pauses. “Well, you and Nikolai, if things are as serious between you two as I think they are.”
“It’s pretty serious,” I say. “At least for me. He’s changed me. I know it’s still new but…”
“You can’t imagine life without him. I get it. I was there once, remember?”
And I do remember. Brandon at fourteen knew Ryan was, as he said, his person. I feel the same about Nikolai.
“I think we’re going to need to come out,” I say as I let out a sigh. My eyes are beginning to burn as I rake my fingers through Shutzie’s fur.
“You don’t have to,” Brandon says. “The gay and bisexual men and women before us fought hard so that you and I could live and love freely without explanation. The only person you ever truly need to come out to is yourself.”
“I think I’m way past that.” I laugh again, but this time it’s choked as I lose the battle with my eyes. Tears I haven’t been expecting begin to fall down my face. Why am I even crying right now? This isn’t that big of a deal. Hell, Gavin never once shed a tear after he got outed, and that shit was traumatic as hell, for all of us. This right here should be easy.
It’s me and Nikolai. I love him.
Oh shit. I love him. That’s what this is. A whole mess of emotions needing to find a way out. My chest clenches and I let out a loud sob, causing Shutzie to whine on my chest.
“Brandon, I think I’ve gotta let you go. I need to call Nikolai.”
“Alright,” he says, sounding like he doesn’t want to hang up at all. “But please. Call me if you need anything. I’ve got your back. Ryan and I both do.”
Nikolai
“Do you need help with anything?” Danton asks me as we walk out of Coach Chris’s room with Ryan as well.
“No, thank you,” I tell him, feeling relieved. We have a plan. Now all I have to do is run it. “I would like to be alone.”
“Of course,” Danton says. He grabs Ryan by the crook of his elbow. “Come on, Rye. Let’s torment Brandon. He plays better when he’s riled up.”
“I’m not arguing with you, because you are right,” Ryan says. “But we don’t play until tomorrow. We don’t want to traumatize him.”
“Any more than he already is,” I say.
“Exactly.” Ryan laughs. “He’s had months to get used to this and he still gets weirded out.”
“He’ll be fine.” Danton brushes him off.
“He already is.” I laugh. Brandon, while occasionally grumpy about it, has been supportive, as long as he never has to hear about us having sex. Which is completely fair. I don’t want to hear about his and Ryan’s, or any of my other teammate’s, sex lives either.
“Well,” Danton says, pulling me into a hug. “Call us if you need anything.”
“I will,” I say as I let him go.
Ryan grabs me next. “Welcome to the family. You’re gonna love being a Bouchard.”
“Is early for us to be saying things like that.”
Ryan lets me go but looks me right in the eye with a smirk on his face. “You’ve met them. Do you honestly think Momma B or Big Mike are going to let you go?” He pats me on the shoulder. “Take it from me, you’re in for life.”
A tight smile pulls at my lips and I struggle to swallow. He’s right. I know he is. And besides, it’s not like I don’t want all that comes with Ander anyway. He’s the other part of what I have been missing for ages.
“I will see you when it is done,” I tell them, then walk away towards my room with only one focus in mind: calling Ander to let him know we have everything under control.
Once I’m in my room, right as I am going to call him, his name and number flash across my screen. I answer and his face appears.
I take in his appearance. His eyes are glassy and the skin underneath them is puffy. My heart clenches. It’s clear he’s upset. “Are you alright?”
