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“But he fell for you instead,” Amanda said gently, giving Dorothy a smile. “You know I’ve never resented that. What you two have is true love; you belong together, and I’d never have wanted him to marry me when he so clearly has eyes only for you.”
She had only been on a few outings with Nathaniel before realizing the true nature of his feelings. The way he hadn’t been able to pay attention to her, the way his gaze had traveled to Dorothy every time they had been in the same room as one another…he’d adored her. It was obvious.
And it was perfectly fine. Amanda had never developed feelings for Nathaniel, though she had held out hope that she might secure herself a worthy marriage and impress her father. That hadn’t happened, and he had taken the opportunity to step in and arrange her first marriage to George.
“You’d never have had to marry that man at all if not for me,” Dorothy said.
“George was all right.” He had been more than all right, when compared against Lord Oakwell. He had been kind and friendly, given to laughter. Amanda still missed him sometimes, even though they hadn’t known each other well. It was a strange sort of feeling, a yearning for a future she had hoped to have but had lost.
He had gone to fight in the war mere weeks after their wedding. They’d never even had a wedding night. He’d been too intoxicated on the night of the event itself, and he had decided that it would be best to wait until after his service, pledging that he would make it up to her. She had agreed, daydreaming about what it would be like when he returned. How lovely it would be.
But it had never happened. All that had come back, after a year of waiting for him, was a letter.
Two years had gone by since she’d received that notice. Most of the time, it was all right. But there were still days when her heart weighed heavy with sadness, and she didn’t know how to frame her own future.
It seemed that her father had made up his mind to frame it for her.
She turned back to Dorothy. “All that matters to me now is providing for Rose’s future,” she said. “I can’t see the way through all this yet, but one thing I can see is that my father isn’t going to allow me to keep her here. He’s all but said as much.”
“And you really think that Lord Oakwell will let her stay?”
“I don’t know yet. But maybe is better than no. With Lord Oakwell, we have a chance. We also have some time. I’ll be able to figure out what I want to do and how I want to do it, and that’s better than the situation I’m in right now.”
Dorothy pressed her lips together. Then she leaned in and embraced Amanda.
“You look just lovely,” she whispered. “And if this is what you want, if you’re really sure of it, then I’ll support it. You know I will. I’ll take the girl to my house for a week so that you’ll have time to speak to your new husband. Maybe if you can spend time with him before she joins you, you’ll be able to prepare him. Let him know that she’s coming and what to expect…”
“You’re right.” Amanda’s heart lifted slightly. She hadn’t named it to herself, but she had been very worried about what would happen when she and Rose arrived at Lord Oakwell’s manor tonight. Surely he would have expectations of her…the kind of expectations he wasn’t going to want a child around for…
Her heart dropped again at the thought of those expectations. It was the very thing she’d spent a year waiting for with George. There had been nerves and anxiety, but when it was George she had managed to find a sense of anticipation at the thought of the marriage bed.
But Lord Oakwell was different. He was a frightening man, not someone Amanda could feel safe with under any circumstances. How could she let her guard down with him?
Well, I’m just going to have to find a way. I’ve agreed to this marriage, so now I’ve got to see it through, and that’s all there is to it.
She gave the looking glass a final glance. The figure reflected back at her didn’t even look like herself. She was a bride. She must be happy. Excited. Eager for the adventure that lay ahead. All the things Amanda had felt on the morning of her first wedding.
Today she felt none of that. Only numbness and dread.
“I’d have liked us to arrive a bit earlier,” Lord Stapleton grumbled as he and Amanda stepped out of their carriage. “Still, I suppose it’s good to make a bit of an entrance, isn’t it? Now, let me have one last look at you.”
He held her out at arm’s length and scrutinized her. Amanda’s attention drifted. A different sort of father might take this moment to tell her that she looked beautiful, or that he was proud, but that wasn’t what her father was doing. He was looking for flaws. Something about her appearance that he might find fault with, even now.
Apparently he found nothing, for he gave her a stiff nod. “All right,” he said. “Let’s get you inside. Lord Oakwell has been awaiting our arrival, and he is not a patient man.”
Amanda knew that all too well. She hurried after her father into the church, not wanting to get this marriage off on the wrong foot by frustrating her new husband.
Besides, he’s frightening when he’s angry. It’s bad enough to think of going back to his house tonight with him in a good mood, but to imagine doing it when he’s displeased…
She shuddered to think about it.
Unfortunately, the moment she stepped into the church, she knew that she had been right to worry.
Lord Oakwell, a burly, red-faced man, was standing at the front of the room with his arms folded tightly across his barrel chest. He glowered at her as she came inside. “It’s about time,” he barked. “I’ve been waiting for you.”
“I’m very sorry to have kept you waiting Lord Oakwell.” She wasn’t sorry at all, but she knew how to pacify an angry man. She moved quickly down the aisle, not taking the time to appreciate the beauty of the church or the number of people who were here to witness the event. The truth was, she wished those people would go away. Why had anyone needed to come? She didn’t want anyone to see the moment of her disgrace.
He glared at her the entire time she approached him, and she felt her cheeks grow steadily hotter. If only this wasn’t happening in front of a church full of people—and she also couldn’t help thinking about what must be on her father’s mind as he watched the two of them. He would be evaluating Amanda’s performance, of course…but there was always the fact that she wasn’t required to go home with him. Becoming a part of Lord Oakwell’s household was an intimidating prospect, but it meant having the freedom at last to let go of what her father thought of her. That was a soothing thought.