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I didn’t want to say what I needed to say. The truth of my situation was humiliating and infuriating and I almost would have rather spaced myself out the nearest airlock than speak the words. But it had to be done.

First, though, I ran a series of scans using tech in my wristcomm to ensure the lounge was secure and no one was listening or watching us. When the scans were all negative, I returned my gaze to Jarrix’s, fought a rising tide of nausea and something like panic, and forced myself to talk.

“At the moment, I can’t pay for Byx’s intel, or for any work on the Nivilus.” My voice was toneless. “I have enough credits to refuel the ship and purchase minimal supplies, with very little left over. I may be able to find courier work in the area, but I won’t be able to use any of my regular booking agents or contacts to do it because of the bounty. Until then, there will not be any shopping on the promenade or meals in restaurants or anything else. I pay my own way. I always have, and I always will.”

He listened to every word, eyes glowing softly and without interrupting or attempting to touch me, even with his tail, though it was swaying in the way I’d learned meant he desperately wanted to wrap it around my leg.

I waited to see surprise, or anger, or worst of all, pity. I waited for him to demand an explanation I wasn’t willing to give.

Instead, he gave me a small nod.

“Thank you for telling me,” he said, his voice a warm rumble. “As I’m sure you recall, it was my idea to come here and reach out to Byx for information. My agreement with my friend is between myself and him, for intel on the bounty that no doubt also includes me. You are not and never were under any obligation to pay for it.”

When I opened my mouth, he raised his hand. “I know the bounty is primarily on you and you believe the intel should be your cost to bear. And I understand why you think so. Will you let me explain my point of view?”

“I know what your point of view is,” I said, and now something dark and angry was building inside me that felt like a tidal wave getting ready to crest and break everything in its path. “You believe I’m your mate and it’s your duty to take care of me. You’d fuel up my ship, buy me clothing, pay for the intel that might save my life, stock my galley with real food, and do it all while cutting down mercs and taking plasma rifle shots meant for me.”

My hands were shaking and I hated that almost as much as I hated having to admit my situation. “I can’t let you take over and do all that, Jarrix. I cannot. I suffered too long and fought too hard to live my life on my terms. You don’t understand that giving it up would break me.”

I expected him to coo, and I was ready to explode at him for it—not that he’d deserve it, but because something that had been strained since the moment he’d knelt before me in the maintenance shaft on Ghira Station was starting to crack wide open.

Instead, Jarrix went to the crescent sofa and sat. He gestured at the cushion across from his. “Please?” he asked, his voice still that warm, calm, low tone that tempered my anger and tension without sweeping them away like with his coo.

I dropped onto the sofa. There was a little over a meter between us—a comfortable enough distance for me, though judging by the strain in Jarrix’s expression he would have preferred to be holding me right now rather than giving me space. That as much as anything settled me because he was putting my needs above his own in a way that wasn’t threatening.

Because everything else he wanted to do was threatening—far more so than any trainer’s whip or bounty hunter’s gun—even if I hadn’t applied that word to how I felt until just this moment.

Strangely, I was glad we were having this conversation here and not aboard the Nivilus. Byx’s lounge was neutral territory and not imbued with seven years of memory.

“I would do all those things,” Jarrix said, forearms on his thighs and gaze intense. “I want to, not because of something physiological or biological, but because I believe you are worthy of them and so much more. I have a clear vision of what I think you deserve in a mate. But I’ve also come to understand enough about you to know that’s not what you need or want from me, and trying to force you to accept it will do nothing but harm you and destroy everything I want so badly for us to share.”

I stared at him, stunned into silence.

“I think of our sparring sessions,” he said, and now his mouth had turned up at the corners. “The give and take, the synchronicity, the even match we make. How we sense each other’s moves before we make them. My blade at your throat and your intana slicing into my calf. I would be a fool if I didn’t understand that we fit together perfectly only if we meet each other as we are and I don’t ask you to be anyone else but yourself.”

He reached out his hand, palm up. “Anything you need, you may have it from me, but I will never force you. I will be the mate you need, not the one I think you need. That begins today, now, as we decide together how to settle our account with Byx. As for how we wish to spend our time on the outpost, I request that you permit me to court you in a way that pleases you.”

A hundred thoughts crashed together in my head. Of all the ways I’d thought this conversation might go, what had just transpired was not one of them.

I’d had no idea how truly threatened I’d felt by the idea of a mate until suddenly the threat disappeared, replaced by his promise to be the mate I needed.

His hand remained outstretched, waiting as I processed his words. And he was smiling just enough to show the tips of his fangs.

I slid my hand into his. “I didn’t hate it when you knelt in front of me.”

In a blink he’d crossed the distance between us and dropped to his knees on the plush rug. He was so enormous that he was still taller than me.

I tugged him forward until he was between my thighs. “I want to divide the cost of Byx’s intel,” I told him. “I can raise funds by selling some of my weapons. There will be dealers on the outpost.”

“I will buy them,” he said immediately. “For a fair price. They will be mine, but they will stay on the Nivilus with us.”

Once again, I’d expected an argument, and instead he offered a solution that met my needs. It felt so easy that the wind went out of me and I sagged forward. He leaned down until our foreheads touched.

“I could sell the nivilus to a dealer,” I said softly. “Maybe I don’t need it anymore.”

“Keep it until you’re sure,” he murmured. “When it’s time—if it ever is—you won’t say maybe.”

We closed our eyes and breathed together for a while. I drank in his scent and let it soothe me.