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“Hello, mate.” I reach down to ruffle the fur on his head, and he leans into my touch, his whole body wiggling with happiness. I give him a good scratch under the chin, earning myself a lolling tongue and a doggy grin.

After a bit more petting, Bruce gives my hand a lick then wanders back to his bed. He circles once, twice, then flops down with a satisfied grunt.

It’s a dog’s life, all right. Then again, I don’t have it too bad either. Playing a video game while on the clock? I can hardly complain.

In the bottom-right corner of my screen, a playful animation pops up, adding a bit of levity to Highland Legacy’s otherwise gritty game environment. A chibi version of my muscled Highland warrior, rendered in comically exaggerated proportions with bulging arms and a jutting jawline, grips one end of a rope. The other end is held by Sass’s tiny mage avatar, all oversized eyes and fiery hair. The rope jerks back and forth as numbers flash above the characters’ heads—random game-generated rolls that take no account of the fact that, in a real tug-of-war event, my warrior would whoop Sass’s ass.

I score a respectable 61, but Sass rolls a total of 73. With a final heave, her chibi mage yanks the rope so hard that my warrior goes flying. Her mage does a little victory dance, and then the animation disappears. A text box declares: SassyLassie wins the Claymore of the Clan Chiefs!

LochNLoad

Bollocks. This is an outrage. That was mine!

SassyLassie

Aw, don’t be a sore loser, Lochie. Why is a massive sword so important to you anyway? Compensating for something?

LochNLoad

Oi! Nothing to compensate for here. Anyone who’s peeked under this kilt has been VERY impressed.

SassyLassie

Sure. Keep telling yourself that.

LochNLoad

I actually can’t believe you rolled for the claymore. We’ve been questing together for months now, and we always distribute loot fairly. Never expected to be stabbed in the back by you.

SassyLassie

Wow, keep your kilt on! I wouldn’t want your wee dagger getting chilly (and even smaller).

LochNLoad

You’re unbelievable.

SassyLassie

You know what, seeing as I’m such a nice gal, I’ll make you a deal. If you want the Claymore of the Clan Chiefs, you can have it. You just have to do a wee thing for me first.

LochNLoad

I’m listening.

SassyLassie

It’s simple, really. I’m going to ask you a question, and you have to answer it.

LochNLoad

Is that all? I thought you were going to make me transfer you a whole bunch of gold. All right, shoot.

SassyLassie

Great. What’s your secret kink?

I blink, taken aback. Sass is steering our conversation towards some very unfamiliar waters. We don’t normally talk to one another like this. Jokey banter? Absolutely, par for the course. Saucy confessions? Nope, that’s new.