Page 25

I've been in bed for almost an hour, and I'm nowhere near falling asleep.

I keep thinking about this afternoon. How everything was going so well until I started asking about Camille. How I don't understand why things have suddenly become so difficult between us.

Maybe I shouldn't have kept asking about Camille. It's none of my business who Vince dates. But I wasn't trying to upset him, and I certainly didn't expect him to get annoyed with me for asking a few questions.

I need Vince. Despite certain . . . confusing feelings lately, Vince is basically my whole family. I hate feeling like I have to watch what I say around him.

I roll onto my stomach and bury my face in the pillow. God, I'm pathetic.

Just then, my phone buzzes on the nightstand and I reach for it, hoping for a distraction. It’s a message from Tyler:

So should we try again or is your stepdad gonna break my legs

I stare at the screen. He hasn't said much since the other night, and this is his grand attempt at picking up where we left off. He’s not even pretending this is about anything other than sex.

Pretty sure you're safe. He's not a murderer

Good to know lol. So when can i see you?

I consider the question. I liked Tyler when we dated, and I still think he's cute. Before Vince walked in on us, I genuinely wanted to sleep with him. But looking back on it, I’m not sure it was exactly the experience I wanted. Tyler seemed awfully interested in getting what he wanted, and less interested in what I wanted. I'm not sure I feel like giving him another opportunity just yet.

Idk. Things are a little weird right now. Maybe after christmas?

Yeah sure. Miss you tho

I set the phone down. I’m not sure what to say to that. There are parts of being with Tyler that I miss—the uncomplicated flirting, the being wanted, the physical touching. But I don't know if I really miss Tyler himself.

I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling in the dark.

The person I miss right now—is Vince.

The more I think about it, the more irritated I become. We've had more tension between us in the last couple of days than we've had in the previous two years. This is stupid. We don’t do this. We don’t let things fester. We talk. That’s how we’ve always worked.

Maybe I’m being weird because . . . well, because I am being weird. I’m perving on my own stepfather, for fuck’s sake. There’s nothing normal about that. It’s, like, my hormones or something, and that’s exactly why I should hook up with Tyler. I need to get whatever this weirdness is out of my system.

What bothers me most is that I don't know where I stand with him anymore. Vince has always been the person I could count on, even when things were terrible with Mom. We argue occasionally, sure, but I never have to wonder whether he wants me around. Until now. For the first time since I came to live here, I’m afraid he might decide he’s had enough of me, and I can't go to sleep wondering about that. I need to talk to him.

I throw the covers off and get out of bed, walking softly down the dark hallway to Vince’s room. No light underneath the door. He’s asleep.

I open the door quietly and step inside. His room is colder than mine—he always sleeps with a window open—and I can see the outline of him under the covers. I stand there for a second, wondering if this is as insane as it feels, and then I decide I don’t care. I lift the covers and slide in beside him, hesitating for just a moment, and then I wriggle over closer and rest my cheek on his shoulder.

And—oh, fuck. He’s shirtless.

“Sophie?”

Fuck fuck fuck.

“Hey.” I lift my chin, ever so casually, and move it slightly away from his bare skin, so that we’re close but not touching.

“What are you doing?” His voice is rough with sleep.

I move a little bit farther away, positioning myself on my side, as if I’m getting into position to look at him as I talk.

“I can’t sleep.” I tell him. His face is shadowed in the dark, but I can make out the shape of his jaw, the line of his shoulder. “I don’t like the way things have been between us. Are you mad at me?”

He’s quiet for a moment. “No, honey. I’m not mad.”

I take a deep breath and roll onto my back so that I’m not facing him. “I know we sorted things out yesterday, but then you seemed annoyed with me again this afternoon when I was asking about Camille. I feel like I keep doing something wrong, and I don't even know what it is.”