Page 54

Following Keir’s lead, Jima sat as well. Anger also fading, Jima’s shoulders slumped and his clasped hands rested between his knees. “Help me understand.”

“It’s not that complicated.” Keir offered a pitiful excuse of a smile. “I can’t stand the thought of losing anyone else.”

Jima’s lips twisted with confusion. “But others have gone out on missions. I mean, Martin hasn’t, but he never has before either. I figured eventually Grayson will be given jobs outside the compound, but he’s still learning how we do things. Even Tabby’s gone out a couple of times. Why not me?”

There were other members of the council that were still alive and active. I’d seen them come and go. Most didn’t live within the compound and were spread around the globe. During the few quiet moments Keir and I’d shared, he’d spoken of Jima. I knew there was a current case he was considering sending Jima on, yet he struggled with that decision.

“Tabitha’s missions have been relatively benign and low risk,” Keir answered. “The missions you’ve been sent on in the past, the ones that still demand your level of skill, are more dangerous,” Keir answered. “It may not appear that way on paper, but it is true. Your safe return lies with your ability to get in sight unseen, find out what is important, and get out before anyone knows you’ve been there.”

“I know, and I’m damn good at it. That’s not arrogance speaking. It’s the truth.”

“I’m aware,” Keir answered. “You are very good, Jima. But can you honestly tell me that what happened with Huxley, the loss of our friends and comrades, hasn’t affected you?”

“Of course it’s affected me.” Jima sounded terribly offended. “How could it not?”

“It’s affected me too. I’m heartbroken by what happened and now it has fallen to me to keep what remains safe. I…I know my own judgment is compromised. Perhaps I’m projecting my own problems onto you, assuming that you would be just as compromised doing your job as I am doing mine. That is an unfair assumption but one I’ve struggled with.”

Hands fisting, Jima’s lips tightened before twisting. Jima appeared to be struggling with his thoughts, or perhaps it was finding the correct words to convey his feelings. “And you think I don’t feel the same about you? You think all of us don’t worry about losing you also? Maybe it has compromised you because you sure are a lot more eager to sacrifice yourself for the rest of us than we’re comfortable with.”

“This isn’t your fight, Jima. It’s mine. My mess to clean up from a past I thought I’d escaped.”

Huffing, Jima was having none of it. “And are you going to sit there and tell me that if this fucked up situation were reversed, you’d just sit back and let me go off on my own?”

Keir appeared momentarily stumped before he said, “I’ve got Lazarus.”

“Pfft.” Jima waved a dismissive hand in the air. I wasn’t certain if I’d just been insulted or not. “And I’ll bet Lazarus had to demand he come along or else you would have told him no also.”

Unable to hold my silence, I said, “He did try.”

“See? Proves my point.” Jima looked very pleased with himself. “Besides, Lazarus is here for his muscle.”

I did balk at that. “I have a bit more to offer than physical strength.”

Again, Jima waved me off. “Yeah, yeah, you’ve got the whole fire thing too.” I started to protest but Jima continued. “You’ve got big and intimidating covered. What you don’t have is stealth and cunning. That’s where I fit right in.”

Personally, I thought I could be stealthy and terribly cunning when the situation called, but I would not argue the point. Jima was undoubtedly smaller than Keir or me and his skills could prove very useful.

That thought in mind, I said, “Jima has a fair point, Keir.”

Keir’s eyes shone with hurt and betrayal. “You’re not helping, Lazarus. You’re supposed to tell Duncan to turn the plane around and…”

“And what?” Jima cautiously asked.

“And take you back to safety,” Keir softly answered. “I meant what I said before. I can’t bear to lose a single one of you. It would kill me.”

Rising, Jima closed the distance, going to his knees and taking Keir’s hands in his own. The size difference was unsettling. “You’re not going to lose me.”

“You don’t know that,” Keir argued.

“No, I suppose I don’t. But, Keir, you can’t keep us locked away under a protective barrier for the rest of our lives. That’s surviving; it’s not living. I joined the Magical Usage Council because I wanted to help those that are unable to help themselves. No matter what Huxley did, that hasn’t changed.”

“Are you saying I can’t help myself?” Keir stubbornly asked.

“I’m saying that everyone needs help now and again. Including you. We stand a better chance of burying this asshole together than we do apart. Everyone’s chances of survival increase. How is that a bad thing?”

When Keir remained silent, Jima said, “You know I’m right.”

Blowing out a breath, Keir shook his head. “Knowing you’re right and accepting it are two different things.”