Page 12

Woof. Woof. Woof.

His bark had gotten as big as the rest of him, including his huge paws, which he promptly placed on my shoulders as he leaned in for a hug.

“How ya doing, sweet boy?” I pulled him close, almost able to smile seeing his entire backside wiggling back and forth. By all rights, I should give him away to someone who’d offer him everything I couldn’t provide, including time.

But the thought of losing him too was too much for my system to bear. I could swear he was so damn intelligent he knew how difficult today had been for me.

Gutting in fact.

I missed my girls more than I dared say to anyone. They were already seen as a weakness even in their death.

When Shadow pulled away, he did so only after sweeping his big pink tongue down my face. He seemed different when he sat back on his haunches, his tail falling to a slow and steady rhythm against the floor. I rubbed my hand across his head, scratching behind his ears.

It was barely five in the afternoon and the place was dark, foreboding from closing all the blinds. I hadn’t left him a way to look outside.

“Why don’t I make a drink and we take a walk on the beach. Huh? Would you like that?”

He didn’t respond at first, searching my eyes with his big brown ones as if uncertain if I was lying.

“It’s okay, boy. I’m serious.”

Woof!

Maybe doing so would clear my head.

“Alright then. We leave in five minutes.” When I stood, he peered up at me and I’d be damned if it didn’t seem like he knew exactly what I’d said. I had to laugh as I headed for the kitchen, flicking on a light. The sink was full of glasses and nothing else, a telltale sign of my mood over the last few days. I’d stopped the housekeepers from coming and had let Svetlana go.

What was the point in having a nanny when you didn’t have a… child.

I fisted my hand, bringing it to my mouth before I did something I’d regret. Damn it, the pain was savage, but rage was the only thing that was keeping me alive.

After several deep breaths, I took off my jacket and tie, tossing them on one of the kitchen tables. Then I ripped open the blinds, almost yanking two off before I managed to let in some light. A strangled laugh left my throat and why? Because I knew I was fucking pathetic.

I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d eaten. Who gave a damn? As I rolled up my sleeves, I returned to the counter, grabbing yet another glass. Eventually, I’d need to shove the crystal in the dishwasher before I used them as methods of dulling the anguish.

By the time I poured a drink, Shadow came bounding back into the room. He stopped just inside the doorway, whining as he always did when he wanted something.

“What it is, boy?”

His actions were as damn tentative as everyone else’s. He moved closer, dropping something by my feet.

He had a favorite chucking stick he’d loved for Mina to throw, which she’d done for hours at a time. Always laughing as she did. At least if I’d allowed her to do so. Which hadn’t been enough. His slight whine was as pitiful as the way I’d been acting. The ache intensified, my stomach in knots. But I couldn’t fail him.

“Yeah, I know. We’ll go. Bring your toy with you.”

As before, his entire backside wiggled even as he raced toward the back door, his whines shifting to ones sounding joyful in anticipation. I headed toward him, able to laugh softly to myself as he raced out and down the stairs leading to the beach. I followed him slowly, even removing my shoes and socks.

How long had it been since I’d felt the sand between my toes?

“Take off your shoes. And don’t you dare fight me on this. Getting sand between your toes just might be good for your soul. Although… There are days I wonder.”

I could still hear Isabel’s voice when chastising me for being set in my ways and her crystal-clear lilting laughter when I’d tried unsuccessfully to grab her arm to keep her from running away from me.

Those days had been few and far between.

Shadow bounded back and forth. His eyes were brighter than I’d seen them in days. Even so, I could also see the continued question in his eyes, wondering why the little girl he’d adored so much had left him. “Drop it, Shadow.”

He stopped moving altogether, studying me for several seconds before moving closer tentatively. Jesus Christ. He dropped the toy, but his tail was hung low, between his legs. I terrified the puppy. Yeah, I was a scary asshole. That much anyone could agree on.