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How had it taken me this long to realize that loving her meant fighting for her?
Damn.
“I did. I promised to never hide from you again and then only minutes later I hid the truth from you.”
Her eyebrows shot up? “Oh?” she laughed. “And what truth is that? That you’re an excellent one-night stand? Afraid of commitment because you don’t like the level of work it involves?”
Oh hell. I couldn’t let this go on any longer. “I’m in love with you!” I shouted loud enough that my voice echoed back at me in the deafening silence that followed.
And Willa stood there, her eyes wide with shock, blinking at me like I’d just told her I was a prince from another planet.
I took a step closer. “I’m in love with you,” I repeated, quieter, begging her to believe me. “I knew that if I told you anything about my love life you’d see right through me. You’d know. And I was scared of what that knowledge would do to us.” I took another step closer, wanting to reach for her but knowing it was too soon. “I wasn’t ready. But I woke up in the middle of the night missing you so much it physically hurt. I decided that keeping it a secret from you was wrong. I was going to confess everything in the morning over coffee.”
Somehow her eyes got rounder and she covered her mouth with her hand, shaking her head. “And I left.”
I nodded. “Why did you leave? Was it my fault?”
“Yes,” she said simply. “No? It’s complicated.”
“Let’s uncomplicate everything. Tonight. We have this room all to ourselves and nowhere to go. You don’t have to love me back, Willa. But I need you back. Fuck this has been torture. I am so, so fucking sorry for the years of this I put you through.”
Her hand fell away and she shook her head. “I left because my mind was exploding with ideas, thanks to you. Your pep talk unblocked my mind and I didn’t want London to clog it back up. But if I’m being honest…I wanted out of there. I wanted to get away from you.”
I really needed to stop fucking up my own life.
She gulped. “I was struggling with my feelings. I got so nervous every time we were together. I knew something was different and I was afraid I was falling for you. But then we were stuck together and you got so defensive. I…I came to believe you’d never…be…” she took a deep breath and let it back out. “I decided I was too complicated for you and I needed some space to come to terms with that.”
“Too complicated?” I whispered more to myself than out loud. That…hurt. Mostly because it wasn’t true and it killed me that Willa ever thought of herself that way.
She put up a hand. “That’s recently been brought to my attention as a me issue. I avoid complication and when I let my fear control me it was the first thing I grabbed on to.”
“Tink,” the word slipped out. “No. You are not a complication. You’re not a problem. You’re not any of those things your mother made you think about yourself.” I wrapped my arms around her, pressed her cheek to my chest, hoping I could sear my words into her with my touch. “The only complication was that I love you so much I didn’t want to lose you.” Everyone was right. Everyone. They all told me to open my big ugly mouth and be honest. If I’d done that sooner maybe we wouldn’t have spent the last few weeks upset and confused.
She went stiff and pulled away. “When?”
“When what?” Everything felt wrong when I wasn’t touching her.
“When did things change?”
“The first time I saw you at Sunshine Stadium. You were there and you were you, but I blinked and then you were also this fucking sexy woman I couldn’t drag my eyes away from. Don’t get me wrong, you’ve always been beautiful, but it was a fact before. Willa is beautiful. Check” I moved my finger through the air making an invisible check mark. “Willa is brilliant. Check. Willa is kind. Check.” I reached out to run my fingers through her hair. “And then I needed you in a way I’ve never needed anyone. I needed you to be mine.”
“And you kept all that bottled up? For months?”
Her hair was so soft. Each tendril was unique. “Yes. I thought maybe it was infatuation. Or temporary insanity. But it’s only gotten worse and I’d rather be insane than stop feeling this way.” But was she falling for me too? Sure she admitted to having new feelings, but that didn’t mean she’d fallen for me the same way. “Is there any chance my feelings might be reciprocated?”
She nodded so slightly I barely noticed it.
She was nervous.
“What was that?” I teased. “Was that a yes?”
Her gaze narrowed. “Never mind.”
I yanked her against me. “Was that a ‘yes, Everett, I do find you insanely sexy?’”
She placed her palms on my chest but didn’t push. “I said never mind.”
So I lowered my lips until they were a fraction of an inch from hers. “I guess I better let you go then. Unless…”