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Okay??

“‘Okay’? To which part? To what?” I demand.

“All of it. Whatever you want to do. I just...” Victoria sniffs in hard and wipes her cold, pink nose. “I want to be where you are and be with you. I wasn’t lying when I said I loved you. I don’t know how to show it right. You’ll have to learn with me.”

“Learn with you? Oh, babe. I’m sorry, but you’re doing great. I’m the guy they had to literally reanimate and teach to walk.”

“You know how to use every muscle of that body. Perfectly.” Victoria leans across the seats and rubs her cheek to mine. It’s sweet and sensual.

That’s what I want. All these things in one: the savagery and the softness. She could do so much better than me, but to her, I’m the best. Lovable.

My mouth keeps moving, my eyes shifting back to the road. It’s twinkling with flickers of lights from Christmas decorations and starting to turn icy white from snow accumulation.

“I love Manny and Rhea. I like the way they live their lives. I’m very different.”

“Not too different,” Victoria murmurs, stroking my arm.

Oh, the argument I could have about that—if I weren’t trying to get words off my chest, words I’m afraid to say. My fingers grip the wheel so hard I have to remind myself that yes, it could come off if I’m not careful. “The point is, I never thought too much about what my life would be like if I wanted to make a home—a home with someone.”

“Oh. Well, lots of people don’t think about that stuff,” Victoria’s hand slowly ceases its glide up and down my arm and falls to my lap. She gives my knee a little squeeze of encouragement.

Because she’s sweet.

Dangerously sweet and intoxicating, and I know both sides of her now. The side that buys booties for a baby that’s not hers even though it must hurt to pick up those little pastel packages, and the part that keeps shovels and tarp in the trunk of her car.

“Tonight, I started thinking about it,” I whisper, mostly to myself. “I think about waking up next to you, and instead of us rushing away because fucking is done, we sit for a while. Breakfast, even like coffee and toast, would be magical if I ate it looking at you. Working together. Having quiet nights at home.” I swallow the fear that’s riding up my spine from admitting these things to her. “Watching I Love Lucy reruns together. Or your favorite shows. All the little things, and... And if Manny and Rhea have a baby one day, and they will, because they’re not quitters, and they’ll find a way one day, even if it’s not this baby, I’m gonna be a big brother. Rhea practically adopted you on sight, so you’d be a big sister. This town is a pretty nice place, and the monsters help keep it that way. Pine Ridge is a hot spring of paranormal activity due to three intersecting Ley Lines, and that means good things come here as well as bad. Manny helps out with the Night Watch every month. We could, too. Kicking asses in the name of good. I normally wouldn’t bother, but I realize now I’ll have to. My sister would be here. Our sister. Or baby brother. One day, it could be both.”

“Laz...”

I wait, my breath frozen in my throat.

“You drove past the shop.”

“Shit!” I cry. I did. Like, I just kept going, and now I’m heading through town.

She’s going to think I short-circuited my brain.

Victoria settles back into her seat, snuggling deeper into her hood. “It’s okay. I love looking at the Christmas lights. My mom used to take me when I was little. In California, there’s no snow, though. This is beautiful. Magical. One day, we can babysit and take her to see the lights. On nights we’re not patrolling with the Night Watch, of course,” Victoria murmurs, her eyes wide and her face tilted up with a rapt expression as we pass the giant tree at Grove Park.

She said babysit. Our sister. If we’re not patrolling.

I decide to drive home slowly.

Home.

Home with her.

“They said the apartment can be mine,” I blurt. “But I always said no. I didn’t want a handout. I didn’t believe I deserved it. Dead things don’t need houses.”

Victoria’s face turns to mine, a look of mute understanding on her pretty face.

“But I feel alive now, so... It’s still kind of a handout, but—”

“You’re their eldest son, and you help out with the business. It’s like a perk. Company housing. Besides,” Victoria’s face turns away from mine, and her eyes lock on the snow as it starts to fall faster, “we can get something better one day. I have money that I haven’t touched yet. Not enough for a down payment, but maybe enough for half. In a year or two, we could look at houses. Or just a different apartment.”

“Year or two?” The words are a symphony, but Victoria’s still staring out the windshield like she’s terrified to look at me. I was just doing the same thing, plus choking out the steering wheel, so I get it.

“Mm?” she squeaks, lips pressed together so hard that they’re white with nerves.