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Elena waves to me through the half-fogged glass.
I pull open the door and join her at her table.
“You’ve obviously heard,” I say when she offers me a glum smile.
She nods. “For what it’s worth, I thought you were a shoo-in.”
“Guess I didn’t do enough.” I shrug.
Elena shakes her head. “That’s not true, and I think deep down you know it.”
“The list says otherwise.”
“The list is a subjective, political bunch of hooey. I refuse to see you down in the dumps about this selection, Beth. You’re bigger than this. You’re better than it. Stupid DV8.”
I gape at her. “What are you talking about? I thought you were proud to be ranked in the 8.”
“I mean, I don’t turn it down, but maybe I should! In any case, it’s not something I stake my whole identity on. The way I see it, I’m gonna go about my business regardless of title or accolades. I love this place.” She sweeps her arm out toward the dining room. “I love the people I serve. I love the people I work with. I love getting to hear all about the town happenings. And experimenting with new recipes in the kitchen is the cherry on top. People and food. That’s always been it for me. You feel something similar about the bookstore, I’m guessing.”
I nod slowly. “Books and stories. Sharing them with others. That’s what it’s always been about for me.”
“See?” Elena nods, as though she’s made her point.
“But I feel like I’m not good enough now,” I admit.
Elena lasers her gaze on me. “If you’re going to let someone else determine the worth of your person or your business, then you’re doing it wrong. People’s attention and admiration is fleeting. How you feel about yourself is what matters at the end of the day. That, and who you have on your team. Who’ll have your back when everything goes up in flames.”
My mind flits back to Ivy and Jack, and the way they both were ready to do battle for me this morning. I’m blessed to have them in my corner. I think about Gabe. He wants to be there for me, too.
“Do you want me to have a word with Xander? Maybe there’s some wiggle room. Lord knows the man owes me a favor or two,” Elena harrumphs.
My heart squeezes. I love her for her support, but I can’t accept it.
“The Dasher Valley 8 has always been the Dasher Valley 8. I’m not looking for special treatment. It wouldn’t mean anything if I got a pity vote or something. Besides, I should be able to do this on my own, shouldn’t I? It’s literally been everything I’ve been working for for the past five years.”
She studies me in silence for a second before sighing. “No one ever said it was good to be all alone. Did I ever tell you what happened to me and the café about five, six years back?”
I think for a minute. “No. I don’t think so. What do you mean?”
“I took a chance on starting a new location in Milwaukee. I invested in all-new machinery. New espresso machine. Steamer. Soft serve ice cream maker. All the good stuff. I thought it would take me to the next level. But I got swallowed up in the big city—couldn’t compete with the chains. I had all the stuff to serve the best of the best, but I had no one to serve it to. It got to be the end of the year, and I was crunching the numbers and saw red . . . bright, bold, terrifying red.”
This would have been while I was still in school. “What did you do?”
“I texted Gabe. I needed to unload on someone, and he’s sort of my person.”
I offer her a sad smile. “Gabe is always good to talk to.”
She chuckles. “Talking and then some. Singing, too. He completely bailed me out.”
I sit up straighter. “What do you mean?”
“He went on Hidden Gems that year. Every episode he stayed in the competition he got a big chunk of money. He sent it all back to me so I could pay down my debt and avoid the huge interest that would have gotten tacked on to my loans if I waited much longer to pay up.”
My jaw hangs open as I process this new piece of information. “Gabe went on Hidden Gems to help you?”
“He did.” Elena nods. “I mean, the boy loves to sing. He loves to perform, so I don’t think it broke his heart too much to go out there and give it his best shot, but he didn’t keep a dime of his winnings. He offered them all to me. At first, I refused him, but he insisted, and I set my pride aside and let him help me.”
We sit in silence for a moment as I digest this new information. All this time I’ve wondered what made Gabe change his mind and go on Hidden Gems—but I wouldn’t let him tell me. I thought he chose stardom over me, but he had a pure motivation. I should have known. I should have listened to him back then. It may not have changed anything, but it could have saved me—us—years of angst.