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“Do you love it more than me?”

I smiled broadly, wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. I ran my fingers through his hair, which was scattered on the pillow, while caressing his neck with my other hand. Hs skin was ice-cold, his brows twitched.

“Do you really believe there’s something I love more than you?”

His blue eyes flickered toward her brown ones. Blood rushed to Mina’s ears, her cheeks grew hot.

Stupid feelings.

“Then it won’t be hard for you to fulfill my wish.”

“Of course, but… I’d ask you to give me a little time. I’ll make it up to you, my love. Promise.”

Under his intense gaze, I cleared my throat, forcing myself to smile. “You don’t have to. I was just joking.”

“You can’t compare yourself to damn Loxton bloodline, Mina. Not when the only reason I accepted it in the first place was because of you.”

I blinked rapidly. “What?”

“Didn’t I tell you? Even before my family died, Sebastian kept proposing to me, but I refused. I didn’t need it, and didn’t like the attention anyway.”

“Then why…?” My heart raced. Everything swayed around me. Was I responsible for this too? How?

“I wanted to be stronger for you. I didn’t want there to be anything I couldn’t control. So you never have to worry.”

Raymond swallowed, then leaned in for a kiss. I shut my eyes, and ran my hands through his hair, feeling the warmth of his lips. He drew back, but then leaned again to wipe the saliva from between our lips. His shaky breath lingered against my skin before he finally drew back.

I smiled slightly. “What was this for?”

“So you wouldn’t be angry with me.” He averted his gaze, nervously stroking the back of my ear. “I’m afraid of being a burden to you, Mina.”

Mina froze.

This can’t be happening.

“I don’t want you to feel responsible for any of this. I know you hate feeling responsible. You didn’t do anything, I just… Every goal I have leads to you, every dream I have is shaped by you.” He lifted his eyes, shaky, gazing upon me with sorrowful tenderness. “I wish… you weren’t talking about this when you said suffocating.”

I stared back at him, my mouth agape. How could he understand? My mask was perfect, so perfect even I would’ve been convinced it was really me. How could he notice that?

“I… Remi, I… I love you.”

It was a simple sentence, one we had been saying to each other for days, for months, for years, but my voice trembled. I love you so much that not loving myself hurts me. He seemed to catch my tone, his eyes widening.

“But sometimes, sometimes…” My throat tightened. The words wouldn’t come out. I was so ashamed. Raymond was so mature and perfect, I didn’t want to burden him with my stupid existential musings.

“It’s okay.” I closed my eyes again when he planted a little kiss on my forehead. “Just tell me I’m not a burden to you. That’s enough. You can ask me anything you want, I’d die for you, Mina. Just don’t walk away from me.”

Hearing his sincere tone, my eyes glistened with unshed tears. How could I leave him? It wasn’t anyone’s fault, we just loved each other. So complete our devotion that one would have died for the other without a second thought.

This frightened me.

Why do we think our love is measured by how much we destroy ourselves? Why do we assume we will not be shallow as long as we sacrifice ourselves?

“Die for…? Do you think this is love?”

“What else could it be?”

“But… How do you see me then?” Another stupid question. Almost our every evening went like this. I added in hurry. “If you had to describe me in one word, what would it be?”