Page 28

But I don’t want to be for him.

I plug in the trimmers and brush my beard, wincing when the comb gets tangled.

I can’t remember the last time I took care of myself. This is how I looked when I met my mate?

The snarl echoes in the bathroom. “You’re fucking useless, aren’t you, Alaska? No last name, no real first name, never been in love, and now you’re trying to woo a man. Unbelievable.” I toss the trimmers down and lace my hands behind my head.

“No. No. You aren’t giving up on him like you gave up on yourself. You didn’t expect this. You didn’t expect him. And yes, you didn’t expect he is a guy, but who fucking cares. It doesn’t matter. Fate made the decision that he is the other half of your soul.” I talk to myself, staring up at the ceiling while I vent.

“Now you sound fucking insane, Alaska.” I drop my hands to my sides, a small headache forming in the front of my skull.

I rub my temples, then stumble when a wave of dizziness hits me. I grab onto the counter to balance myself and take a few deep breaths. Hunger clenches my gut, my tongue dry as cotton, reminding me that I need to feed.

The blood I need, I have to earn. I’m used to starving myself until I can’t wait any longer, and if waiting on him kills me, then so be it.

Clutching the edge of the counter again with wide-spread arms, I touch my cheek when I feel something wet, then glance down at my fingertips. I rub the liquid between my fingers. It glistens in the light.

Tears?

I tilt my head up to look at the mirror, and sure enough, I’m crying.

What if he decides you aren’t good enough, just like you know you aren’t?

I can’t remember the last time I cried. It’s had to be over a century. Leo is causing me to fall apart, forcing me to face so many emotions I’ve kept buried. They are all swimming to the surface, and it will only get worse the longer he is around.

Picking up the trimmers and comb, the buzz sounds, and I try to make myself look like me again.

“Be better for your mate,” I state to myself, trimming the first section of the beard.

Hair falls in piles in the sink, covering the bowl in black. I keep the length of my hair, trimming around an inch of dead ends off.

“Fucking, damn it!” I curse, nicking the side of my neck with a razor to get a closer shave to how I want my beard to look.

There’s a certain way I like it, and it seems I’ve lost my fucking touch.

“Son of a fucking bitch. Stupid idiot.”

This time the bathroom door swings open, and Leo is standing there with big round eyes.

“I’m kind of busy in here if you don’t mind,” I snap out of habit, then curse internally after speaking to my mate in such a horrible manner. “I’m sorry. I’m not used to having someone else here.”

“It’s okay.” He steps forward, reeking of Soren’s fucking shampoo and body wash.

I drop the razor in my hand and squeeze the counter again to keep myself in place as he dares to take a step closer.

“You’re bleeding.” He rushes over to me, yanking a piece of toilet paper from the roll.

I won’t heal immediately. Those abilities are slower now.

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about me.”

He reaches up, and I lean away, unsure of what he is about to do.

“It’s okay. I’m only here to help. You can trust me. I was outside of your room and heard you cursing and banging around in here. Figured you needed help.”

Yeah, I need help.

I need help trying to hide the current situation rising underneath this towel as my body reacts to him.