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The Spare

Page 89

by L.M. Fox

I give him a half-hearted grin and raise my hands in understanding. “Had it coming.” I take a sip of my water. “So, where are you living now? With your mom?”

“Yeah. For right now. She’s never really there much anyway. She works a lot. Why? I think it’s a little late to request shared custody.”

I snort. “Okay, wise-ass. I was just going to say… if you ever need a place to crash for any reason, you’re always welcome. I’m just a phone call away.”

“Good to know. Thanks.”

For a long beat, we sit staring at one another. Each of us taking inventory of the other.

“You know, when Sebastian mentioned he was going to run the test, I actually got a little excited about it. I’ve never had a dad. I knew it was a long shot. But he was right. We do have a lot of the same physical characteristics. I mean, he’d noticed the dimples are the same. And we both have the same scowl when we’re annoyed.”

For the first time, I’m frustrated that I’m not Sebastian. And it isn’t because I want something he has. It’s because of the look of disappointment on Gavin’s face. And I don’t blame him. He could’ve had a successful billionaire who is a great family man as a dad. Instead, he ended up with me.

“I’m sorry it wasn’t Sebastian.”

Gavin tilts his head in confusion. “Don’t worry, man. I’m not going to ask you for money or anything.”

“No. I only mean because you’d been excited about it. He’s a great guy. A good father. Then you had to find out it was me.” The guy who took forever to get his shit together. The man who has lived his mistakes out in the open for his son to see. And just when I thought I was turning my life around, this happens. How do I ever offer him anything but embarrassment?

Gavin shrugs. “I don’t know. From where I sit, your personality is much more like mine.”

“Not sure that’s a good thing. But I’m trying to better myself. So try to ignore anything I said or did before I found out I was your father.” I let out a half-hearted chuckle and rub the back of my neck. The weight of twenty years is crashing down on me all at once. “Look… I don’t know how to be a dad. I missed the whole thing. The little league games, the driving lessons, the terrible high school decisions—well, actually, I had enough of my own. Probably not a big deal I missed out on yours.”

Gavin lets out a snort, a slight smirk playing at the corner of his lips. “That’s okay. I’ve never had a father anyway. I fully expected to go the rest of my life without one. How about you just be my friend? It’s not like I need my diapers changed or anything.”

I chuckle, the tension in my chest loosening a fraction. This kid is pretty mature given his circumstances. Far more than I was at his age. Hell, more than I was eight months ago. “Fair enough. Though if you start throwing tantrums in public, I reserve the right to pretend I don’t know you.”

“Deal,” he says, grabbing a French fry. “Just don’t start posting cringy dad jokes on my social media or anything.”

I laugh, dipping a fry in ketchup. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Later that night, I walk into my bedroom to find Lexi already in bed. Her back is to me. The sheets are pulled tight around her shoulders.

I carefully slide into the bed beside her, the mattress dipping under my weight. My heart hammers at how to make things right between us. I desperately hope she’ll find a way to forgive me for the monumentally stupid mistakes I’ve made.

“Lex?” I whisper into the dark room.

She doesn’t move, but I know she’s awake. I’ve listened to her breathing as she sleeps long enough to tell the difference.

“I’m sorry,” I say softly, staring up at the ceiling. “I’m not blaming my actions on anyone else. I take full responsibility. But my mother… her words took a bigger toll on me than I realized. Every time she told me I wasn’t enough, I let it sink in until I couldn’t see straight. It made believing her lies that day easier.”

Slowly, Lexi rolls over to face me. Her blue eyes are dreamy in the moonlight. She reaches out, her fingers gently stroking my hair before dropping down to trace the line of my jaw.

“When people tell you you’re nothing often enough, you start to believe them.”

I stare at her, blinking. “Did you… did you just Pretty Woman me?”

Lexi lets out a tinkling laugh, her eyes shining with warmth. “You could have been so much more all these years if you hadn’t listened to her.”

“I know,” I whisper, closing my eyes as her hand rests against my cheek. “I wish I’d been stronger.”

“You were just a kid, Sam. Give yourself some grace.”

“Are you, Lex? Are you willing to forgive me for this?”

She’s quiet for a moment. “We all make bad choices sometimes. It’s what you learn from them that’s important.”

“Turn red lights into green lights,” I mutter. The weight of the day with Gavin mixed with the tender way she’s stroking my hair, practically pulls me into sleep mid-sentence.