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Slowly, I lifted my gaze to search his. “Sebastian?” I whispered hesitantly.

His jaw ticced. There was the sound of ripping fabric, and then I felt a cool breeze from my sternum to my belly button. Confused, I looked down. My shirt fluttered open, collar to hem.

My jaw dropped. He’d ripped my shirt. I clutched the rent fabric closed to cover myself. “Sebastian! What the hell.”

His gaze didn’t dip as he stepped around me and strode down the hall. I was still standing there, mouth agape like a hooked fish, when he tossed his Navy T-shirt at my chest.

“If you’re going to wear an ex’s shirt, it damn well better be mine.”

15

SEB

Where is it?

Blood is up to my elbows as I search frantically. It has to be here somewhere. It has to. Explosions boom in the distance.

I rocked awake, a cry on my lips and my heart in my throat as I blinked in the darkness. It took a moment to understand I was in my bed, not in a lake of blood, and another moment after that to realize I had brought Lila with me. My arm was around her back. She slumped against me, cheek squished against my chest.

Damn. She really could sleep through anything.

Carefully, I eased us both down to our pillows. My heart was still pounding. I took three deep breaths, inhaling for three counts, holding for four, releasing for six. Lila let out a soft snore. She did not offer to let me hold her tit, which was a damn shame because I really needed that right now.

I craned my neck to look at the clock, then bit back a groan when the red numbers confirmed what I already knew. Ten minutes and I’d have to be awake anyway, but dammit, I didn’t want to. I wanted to stay right here with Lila’s soft, warm body snuggled against me, her mouth making a damp spot on my shirt. This bed felt like a protective bubble, a magical place where my wife didn’t hate me and I didn’t have to worry about a psychopath sliding a knife into her gut.

Out there…It was bad. It was all bad.

Gently, I rolled Lila off my chest. Even in the dim light, I could make out the yellow letters on her shirt—my shirt. Maybe I should have felt bad about ripping her shirt yesterday. Hiding it in the corner of my closet was childish, but tearing it off her like that? What the hell had come over me? In my defense, I hadn’t snuck a peek at her in her underwear. If I had, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off her. Instead, I’d kept my gaze locked on hers and saw the heat flare in her eyes, like maybe she wanted my hands on her.

The truth was, I didn’t regret a damn thing. That was my wife, in my bed, wearing my shirt, and all I felt was satisfaction.

There wasn’t enough time for coffee—I’d stayed in bed too long—so I grabbed an energy drink and a protein bar and rolled out the door, locking the cabin behind me. A cold wind made the hairs on the back of my neck stand at attention. I flipped the collar of my coat up and squinted at the trees.

I fucking hated October mornings. The dreams always came more frequently. Once the sun came up, it was easier to push the memories of another October aside, but here in the gray, pre-dawn light, the ghosts were all around me. I squinted into the distance. Generally, I was a big fan of trees. But right now they looked like they were hiding things, and I really didn’t appreciate that. Creepy bastards.

I kept my eyes on them as I double-checked the door and flicked on my headlamp. The ATV had headlights, but I left it for Lila. I didn’t want her to feel trapped waiting for me to get home, and anyway, I didn’t mind walking. Getting my legs moving helped shake off the bad feelings the dream had left me with.

Once I got to the animal barns, I did my usual morning rounds. Chickens, goats, horses. Making sure everyone was fed and happy, with access to clean water. I was heading to the lodge for coffee and a quick breakfast when my phone buzzed with a text from Mateo.

Mateo: I’ve got something.

Me: I’m heading to the lodge now. Meet me there?

Mateo: See you in five.

Finally. We’d spent the last couple of weeks combing through Lila’s long list of acquaintances. Colleagues, ex-boyfriends, friends, friends of friends, anyone who showed too much interest in her personal life on her social media posts. So far, all we’d found were dead ends.

I quickened my pace. When I pushed through the swinging, dark wood doors of the dining room, Mateo was already there. I grabbed a plate and joined him at the buffet. It was first-come-first-served, and the line was already pretty deep, but I wasn’t worried. Amos, Miguel, and Lennon would never let a cowboy go hungry.

With ranch hands on all sides of us, we kept the conversation innocuous as we moved in. Lila’s dramatic entrance to the ranch wasn’t common knowledge, and I wanted to keep it that way.

“Steak! Fuck, yeah. It’s gonna be a good day.” Mateo reached for the tongs.

Every day was an opportunity to have a good day, as far as Mateo was concerned. I couldn’t say I agreed with him, but I admired his nerve. It took real courage to be that optimistic in the face of all the evidence he had witnessed to the contrary.

We loaded our plates with steak, crispy breakfast potatoes, and chopped melon, and took our breakfast to a corner where we wouldn’t be overheard by nosy ranch hands.

“What did you find?” I spread my napkin over my thigh and shook some hot sauce over my potatoes.