Page 51

His words held such conviction, such heat, that Jordan let out a shuddering breath of relief.

“As much as I want to take you to bed right now and show you exactly what I mean,” he leered for the briefest of seconds before expression sobered. “I need some way to work out some of the feelings I have right now regarding everything else.”

Jordan wanted to grab him by the shirtfront and drag him into the bedroom, but he wasn’t wrong. Besides, maybe by later tonight her nanites would have sped her healing along enough for some sexy times.

“Why don’t you take some time and draw? It used to be an outlet for you.” She gave him a teasing smile. “You didn’t always draw naked pictures of me, after all.”

Benny cracked a grin and stepped away from her and she immediately missed his heat, but she followed him as they walked into the master bedroom and changed from their tactical clothes into the clothes they’d left the vacation rental in yesterday. If the scene wasn’t released soon, they’d have to buy some supplemental things.

“I get the feeling I got the most satisfaction out of drawing the naked pictures.” The smile on his face had become oh so real this time around. “It’s a really good idea. I think I’m going to give it a try.”

“Why don’t you use Dev’s office?” she suggested. “I don’t want to bother you with my conversations with Abel and IA if they have any updates. I promise I’ll fill you in on anything new when you come out.”

She hoped he’d take the recommendation. While she wanted to be there for him, there were things he needed to work through on his own. She couldn’t become the only way he knew how to cope with everything that had happened to him.

“There’s something else to consider,” she added. “You can have a more open relationship with Kendra now. You don’t have to sneak around or worry about anyone finding out you’re alive. Maybe instead of sketching, you could call her.”

Benny was quiet for a moment. “I think I want to sit and think and doodle for awhile. I’d like to be a little more solid when I talk to her. Not performative, just...more settled.” He turned toward Dev’s office, then stopped and turned back to face her, stepping close again. “I meant what I said.”

Her heart gave a painful little thump. “About the naked pictures?”

His mouth twitched. “That too.” Then the humor faded. “About you being my present.”

He leaned in for a quick kiss, then pulled away and gave her a small smile, which she returned along with a quick salute that made him laugh.

Jordan held his gaze. She desperately wanted to ask about tomorrow, but nodded instead. “Then go paint, CJ.”

Something flickered across his face at the name. Surprise first, then recognition. A slow smile followed.

“CJ,” he repeated, almost as though he were trying the man on for size, then he turned and headed down the hallway toward Devin’s office, Spot following him like the faithful companion she was.

Jordan stood there for another moment, staring down the hallway before blowing out a big breath. She still didn’t know what tomorrow would bring, but she realized she didn’t need to.

Today, he'd chosen to follow her upstairs. Today, he'd chosen her. And today was enough.

~

What he’d said to Jordan about needing time before talking to the doc was true. Dr. Hancock could probably help him sort through a lot of what had happened, never mind the memory stuff, but first he needed to figure out exactly what was tumbling around inside his own head.

He thought about kissing Jordan just now. Her lips had been soft beneath his, and just the taste of her had made his heart beat a little faster. Thought about how every time he chose her, she looked almost surprised and heartbreakingly grateful. He didn’t want that from her. All he wanted was a chance to love her again the way he had the first time.

Those were the exact thoughts he wanted to be having while he let his subconscious sketch out whatever else was in his noggin.

The art supplies that Jordan had been carrying in the back of her car were still back at the rental and would be until Homicide and the Gang Task Force released the scene, so he rummaged through the desk until he found a stack of plain bond paper, a clipboard and an assortment of pencils and pens.

Good enough.

He settled into a comfortable chair near one of the expansive windows. After giving Spot the requisite scritches, she curled up by his feet on the ottoman.

Benny let his mind empty, then allowed the thoughts and emotions flow through him, through the graphite hovering over the blank page.

Overlander poured out of him first, those glittering, malicious eyes coming easily. As he worked, the rest of her face began to emerge. The perfect little rosebud mouth. Pale, flawless skin. Stick-straight black hair pulled severely into a bun.

His hand moved faster, his fingers flying over the page, and when he finally stopped, he stared at the woman on the page. Felt his stomach swirl with a nausea that he forced aside as he confronted her this way, since he hadn’t in person.

As his mind cleared and his stomach stopped roiling he realized this exercise had been the perfect therapy, because when he studied her face now, the nausea was caused by a sense of crawling revulsion, not terror.

He’d needed to see that room today. Needed to feel what it did to him and survive it so he could move forward. Now that he could finally see Overlander clearly, he could purge her just as he had the room.