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Benny came fully back to himself with Jordan’s curves pressed against the hard lines of his body and everything about it felt right, a familiar echo that shot straight to his heart. It was like hearing a song he hadn’t heard in years and discovering his body still remembered how to dance to it.
He lowered his forehead to hers. “Thank you for bringing me back.”
She feathered a hand through his short hair, then rested her fingers at his nape. “Do you want to talk about it?”
He shook his head. He couldn’t, at least not yet.
Right now, with Jordan warm beneath him and her fingers moving gently through his hair, talking was the last thing he wanted to do.
He knew exactly what he did want, but he was pretty damn sure it wasn’t the smart thing, or the right thing. So he stayed perfectly still and tried to remember how to breathe.
It was almost as if she could read his mind, because her fingers stilled in his hair. Then she looked up at him, her gaze both beseeching and painfully honest.
“I don’t think I can do this with you,” she said, her voice breaking just a little. “I can’t lose you again.”
She pushed against his chest until he rolled away.
They lay side by side, Benny wearing only boxers while Jordan was still fully clothed, both staring at the ceiling.
“How serious were we, Jordan?”
The look in her eyes was so heartbreaking he almost wished he hadn’t asked.
She took a long time to answer, and when she did, she didn’t look at him.
“Very serious. Which is why I’m afraid.” She swallowed. “I’m afraid for you, and I’m afraid for me. I’m afraid of what’ll happen if we get together again and you still don’t feel the same. That fucking petrifies me.”
Her voice wavered. “I’d rather live with the loss of you than have you back like this, fall in love with you all over again, and then find out you can’t love me. Or watch you find someone else you can.” She shook her head and sat up.
That was when he realized she was crying. Not huge sobs. Nothing dramatic. Just twin streaks of tears inching silently down her cheeks.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” Benny admitted. “But this, having you next to me, feels like the only solid thing in my life right now. I don’t want to fuck that up, even though everything inside me is telling me I should just kiss you already.”
Jordan pushed herself off the other side of the bed. “That would be a very, very bad idea.”
He could hear how hard she struggled to keep her voice flat. “We’ve got much bigger things to worry about than you and me and our history. If you need me next to you so you can sleep, I’ll be here. But you need to understand that’s as far as it goes.”
He nodded, clenching his jaw as he did. “I’ll be fine.” He paused. “Thank you again for bringing me back.”
She met his eyes. “Any time. I truly mean that. I will always be here for you.”
She walked through the door and left it open a crack since Spot hadn’t moved from the bed.
Benny reached down and ran a hand through the cat’s fluffy fur, drawing comfort from the vibration of her purr.
This was all so completely fucked up.
He slept the rest of the night without another nightmare.
When he came out the next morning, Jordan had beaten him up and already made breakfast.
She looked over at him and gave him a half smile. “I kind of suck at breakfast. It was always your thing. But since I was up first, I figured I’d give it a shot.”
Benny surveyed the countertop. She hadn’t lied, she did suck at breakfast, and the mess strewn across the counter was a testament to that. But he dished it up with a smile anyway and offered to take over the cooking from here on out. He figured since she was as good with a gun as she was, cooking didn’t need to be her forte.
They settled across from each other at the kitchen table.
“How are you feeling this morning?” she asked.
