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“Jade—”
“I know.” He doesn’t look up, but his mouth finds the fabric above my knee and presses a kiss there as he moves up slowly. “I know we said we’d find a way, and we will. I meant it.”
He drops another kiss, higher this time. “But you came in here and dropped into that chair like something got cut. You’ve been gone behind your eyes since the terrace, and I can’t—” His mouth stops at the crease of my hip, his forehead resting there for a second as I feel his breath. “I don’t know how to plan anything while you’re like this.”
He finally tips his face up, something raw in his expression, as if he’s already expecting me to push him away and is doing it anyway.
“Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop. I don’t even know what I’m doing, wanting you like this so soon after you married me. I should be angry. I am angry.” He lets out a breath. “But this morning in the shower, I saw your scars. I’ve seen what people can do when no one stops them, and I couldn’t do anything about it then.” His hands tighten on my thighs. “I might actually be able to help you. So don’t send me away. Please. I don’t think I could stand that either.”
I should tell him no, not because I want to, but because I know exactly what he’s doing, even if he doesn’t. He’s found the one wound on me he can reach, and he’s chosen to tend it instead of the mess I can’t fix yet.
And fuck me, it’s working. Perhaps that should worry me more, and it does, because nobody has ever looked at the worst of me and still moved toward it.
With a hand in his hair, I close my fingers until he feels it. His breath goes ragged as I drag my free palm over the hard length trapped beneath my trousers. “Look at you, asking so prettily for the chance to take care of me.” I tip his face up and make sure he sees exactly what he’s done to me. “As if you didn’t already belong to me the second I signed that page.”
He glares up at me, but there’s no bite behind it. His eyes are wet, cheeks flushed, and, Light, I’d burn the Reach down to keep that look on his face.
“Oh yeah, puppy?” I tighten my grip in his hair. “You want to make me feel better?”
“However you want me to.” His lashes flutter as the words leave him, color climbing higher into his cheeks, but his eyes stay on mine.
That fucking does it.
Heat punches through me, hot, mean, and welcome. “Get it out, then. Go on. Show me what you want.”
His hands go straight to my belt, fumbling once before he gets it open and drags the fastening loose. He works my trousers down just far enough to help me free myself, and the breath that catches in his throat when he sees me goes straight through me.
I pull him closer until his mouth is a breath away from mine. “Show me.”
“I want this,” he whispers, looking up at me. Then his tongue touches the base of my cock.
He drags it upwards in one long, wet stroke, taking his time until he reaches the head. Another follows, slower, his tongue flattening underneath me before circling the crown. He catches the bead of pre-cum at the slit with the tip of his tongue, licking it away before closing his lips around the head and sucking.
“Jade... fuck, puppy.”
One of his hands settles around the base while the other cups my balls, rolling them carefully in his palm as his mouth works lower. He takes more of me, sucks, pulls back to lick the slit again, then goes down until the head reaches the back of his throat and his breath catches around me.
My fingers tighten in his hair. “Easy. That’s it.”
He tries again.
This time he takes me deeper, eyes watering as he gags, but he doesn’t pull away completely. He breathes through his nose, his hand still working what he can’t fit, then comes back up with spit shining over his lips before swallowing me again.
“Look at me.”
His eyes lift while his mouth keeps moving, both hands busy now, one stroking the base and the other still cradling my balls. He sucks hard on the way back up, tongue pressing underneath me before flicking over the head.
“That’s my good boy.” My head falls back against the chair for a second before I force myself to look at him again. “Taking care of me when I’m half out of my fucking mind. Making me believe we might actually fix this mess, even though I know better.”
He makes a soft sound around me and takes me deeper.
“Fuck, yes. Just like that.” I guide him with the hand in his hair, not forcing, only following the rhythm he’s already set. “You wanted to help? There you go. Make me forget him for five minutes.”
His cheeks hollow as he sucks, his tongue working beneath the head while his hand strokes what his mouth leaves behind. He pulls off just long enough to slowly lick the underside, then presses his lips to the head again and takes me back in.
I hold him there for a second when he comes up, thumb brushing the corner of his wet mouth. His lips are swollen now, breath uneven, eyes fixed on mine.
“Is that what you needed?” I ask. “To make something better when everything else feels fucked?”