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I squeezed her tighter, tempted to say to hell with all this and just disappear with her and the dragons. But that deep well of caution and wisdom in my chest ached at the thought.
While Grace’s sobs quieted, though her breathing still hitched, I reached out to Kham again.
‘Wait… if Grace and I are your purpose, and we’re each other’s… what should we do? Is it just about staying alive to protect the kingdom?’
‘Of course not,’ Kham said gently. ‘You two are the Creator’s image. You are made to love and show others what love is. Your purpose is our goal.’
Grace’s arms around my waist eased a hair. She’d speak soon. But I was confused. I needed to finish this with Kham so I could focus on her. But this made my mind whirl. ‘Love is an emotion. It’s a connection.’
‘Merely a connection?’
I sent him a nudge of irritation. ‘You know what I mean.’
‘Yes, I do, Voski. And I urge you to reconsider. If love is merely emotion, it comes and goes like the waves and the moon. That has limited value. Perhaps your purpose is greater than that?’
‘That’s what I’m saying! I must be here to take care of her, or—’
‘What if love is more than your feelings? What if it is your purpose? Your life? You’ll do that as love drives you. You’ll learn and grow and become better. Stronger even as you soften—because when you embrace your purpose, the world is brightened by it.’
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. ‘Kham, this is love, but it’s not a—’
‘You walk into each day, aching not to feel hollow. Aching to feel satisfied. Terrified of failing, being useless. Why do you think that is?’
‘Because a man needs a reason to do… anything.’
‘Precisely. And that reason is love, Voski. Every moment you love, every person you love, every achievement you pursue to better the lives of those you love, will fill those holes in your heart more surely than any wealth, or acclaim. And you will not be afraid. Perfect love drives out fear. It makes you brave.’
I frowned. I knew it was true. It was one of the reasons I loved being Shadowfang. Having been Shadowfang, I corrected myself with a pang. But I knew what he meant. I’d observed it. Doing things because they were right, and good, and helpful, even when others didn’t know it… that filled me.
‘But I loved my mother and look what she did! I loved my father—I loved Cali! And they all stole from me, and betrayed me, and—’
‘You were not lowered by your love for them. You were harmed by their lack of love for you.’
‘But that’s how people hurt. They can’t hurt me if I don’t care!’
‘Offering your love, even to those who don’t return it, only makes you more, regardless of their response. Consider the strength it requires to give the value and regard of love, even when it is not returned.’
I was unnerved. ‘That seems impossible.’
My dragon snorted. ‘Not impossible in the least. It is vulnerable. Give it. Give it freely. To need the love of others isn’t love—it’s selfish. To offer yourself only for what they might return isn’t love—it’s manipulation. Precisely what you’ve observed in your mother.’
Dear God. That hit hard.
I wanted to argue so hard. I wanted to fight what he said. I didn’t want to believe it was my purpose to love these people. ‘They’ll destroy me!’
‘Then leave them with your light, and your blessing, and walk away. Love doesn’t offer itself for disdain. It offers for the good of the one who receives it. Whether they accept it or not, you are stronger for loving. And more powerful for offering without need for return.
‘You fear loss of those you love—because their value makes it terrifying to lose. But unless you love, nothing holds value at all. So, my boy, give love. Love your mate and give yourself to that. Love your brothers and protect them. Love me, and rest. Only when your life is rooted in love will you feel filled. And as you learn to love as your mate loves—giving so much—you will become a weapon together that even your greatest enemy cannot surmount. It will overwhelm your fear and your adversaries.’
I was breathless. Uncertain. But there was a glimpse, something on the horizon. Something he said was important.
But at that moment, Grace raised her face, her eyes and cheeks shining in the moonlight, and even through her tears, she beamed at me. She was heartbreakingly beautiful.
“I love you, Voski,” she breathed, squeezing me harder.
I stared down at her and opened my mouth to return the gift, but felt my dragon’s examination in the same moment I remembered where we were, everything that had passed here, and my conscience burdened me with conviction. Love gives, without need for return. Just as she had—even when I returned anger and disdain. It was a painful blow.
“Oh… Grace,” I whispered.