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“Thanks, Dad!” She runs toward the living room, twists bouncing as she goes.

She picks a comedy, laughing the whole time at the movie, while I just enjoy spending time with her. In a lot of ways, Ree and I grew up with Tiana. We were so damn young when we had her, trying to figure out what the hell to do. We would have been lost without Sanaa in those days.

Tiana goes upstairs and gets ready for bed, and when she’s done, I follow up to tuck her in. I know she’s a little old for that and probably won’t even go to sleep right away, but it’s something I try to do with her when I’m home. “Night, baby girl.” I kiss her forehead.

“Goodnight, Daddy. I love you. Tell Mom I love her, too, when she gets home.”

“I will. Love you.” I turn the light out and close the door behind me, wondering how in the hell we’re going to blow up her world when she finds out her parents aren’t together anymore.

I’m in the workout room at home, trying to burn off some of the calories we ate tonight, when Ree gets home. “How’s Mom?” I ask her, turning off the treadmill. She tosses me a towel to wipe the sweat off my face.

“Good. She had fun today. Got a little tired, is all. She bought you something. I left it in the kitchen. I swear that woman loves you more than she does me,” Ree teases.

“Only a little bit,” I joke back. Sanaa and I have always been close, even more so after my mom left. I think she felt like she had to try hard to be a mom for me, and felt some sort of misplaced guilt because she had been Mom’s best friend and introduced her to Dad. I know it’s going to devastate her when she finds out about us. I’m not looking forward to that, to feeling like I let her down.

“You and T have fun?”

“Always.” I sit down on the bench press. She comes over and sits beside me.

“You’re a good dad, Oak. No matter what. I know you see our separation as some kind of failure on your part—as a partner, as a dad, and hell, even as a son, but it’s not. You can’t take responsibility for everything.”

“I’m pretty sure I can,” I tease.

“You shouldn’t,” she replies. “Plus, it was my idea. You would have gone on, not being in love with me forever because you wouldn’t have wanted to break up the family, but we’ll always be family. Trying to make something work that wasn’t supposed to work won’t change that. You’re stuck with me, even when you fall in love with some other woman. She just better be fucking cool, all right?”

I laugh. “I don’t know about all that. I have no interest in finding anyone soon.” I wouldn’t even know where to start. It was only ever Ree for me…her and Des.

No. Don’t think about him.

“I’d tell you to just go have a bunch of wild, crazy sex with strangers, but you’re a relationship guy.”

“Girl, I can have wild, crazy sex with strangers,” I tease. It’s what I should do. I’ve never done that in my life. What would Ree think if I did hook up with someone? If it were a guy? She’s not homophobic, but I still wonder what it would be like for her if she knew I’m also interested in men.

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” She squeezes my thigh. “I’m going to head up to bed. See you in the morning.”

“Night,” I tell her, watching until she leaves. Tiana thinks we’re not sleeping in the same room anymore because I snore, though I don’t, and I’m a bed hog, which, okay, I am.

I make my way up to my room and then…I don’t know what makes me do it, but I download a gay dating app. I create my profile without any identifying information, under the name OnTheBeach27. I strategically take a photo of my abs, rolling my eyes at myself, and posting a photo of the ocean instead. I’m sure I’m doing this wrong, but who the fuck cares?

I don’t know if I’ll use it, or if I want to, but Ree’s comment is sticking with me. I can have random sex if I want. I can be that guy. Hell, I should be that guy. I’ve kissed exactly two people in my life—one of them I loved, and one of them was…something. I haven’t figured out who in the hell Des is. It felt like I knew him during the time we spent together at the beach, but how well can you really know someone in two weeks? I was just a dumb kid.

I browse through some of the profiles and see a couple that look interesting. The thought of hooking up with a guy feels safer for some reason, or maybe I’m just curious. I’m pretty sure I’m attracted to guys, but then again, maybe that thing with Des was a fluke. Every time I’ve seen him since, I’ve wanted to punch him more than kiss him, so who in the hell knows?

GameOn057: You like the beach?

I stare at my phone like the fucking thing grew a head or something. That was fast. I can’t believe someone is already messaging me.

Me: Doesn’t everyone?

GameOn057: Nah. Lots of people hate it, actually. My mom is scared shitless of the water…but then, she does still go to the beach, so maybe you’re right.

Me: I usually am.

I’m teasing, unsure why I’m being playful with this man I don’t know.

GameOn057: Oh, he brought jokes. Usually, I’m the cocky one. I stand by my original statement, though. Some people don’t like the beach.

Me: I used to vacation there every year as a kid, so I don’t think I had a choice.