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Before, meaning when Hunter was in a relationship with Lucas’s brother. They’d been best friends, started dating in high school, and stayed together through college and Hunter’s first years playing professional football. Then Lucas’s brother died, and a few years later, Hunter and Lucas reconnected. It was a big deal around the league, and part of why I left Kansas City. My coach had been Lucas’s dad, and he’s—for lack of a better term—a piece of shit. His not supporting Hunter and Lucas was the last straw for me.

“Well, I’m even more Team Lucas now. Let’s fucking do something tonight. It would be fun.”

“You want to go to a gay bar with us? You know people will notice.” And they’ll talk, is what Hunter means. When you play professional sports, people talk about everything, but I don’t give a shit about that.

“Why would I care what people say?” Maybe this is what I need. I haven’t gone out at all since moving to L.A.—not to a bar or anything like that. The last thing I did was Lucas’s art show in April. The one Oakley was a no-show to, and fuck, why am I thinking about his ass again? “Plus, maybe I can find someone and have a little fun.” I waggle my eyebrows, trying to distract myself. Hunter, who’s taking a drink of his water, immediately chokes, spitting it out and coughing.

I laugh, but it’s Lucas who says, “I knew you weren’t straight!”

I’m not sure why I never told Hunter that I’m bi. Maybe because my relationship with my bisexuality is complicated. I knew I was bi before Oakley, but he was the first guy I wanted to take that step with—we kissed, and then the next day he told me he was getting back together with his girlfriend. I get it. I understand why he and Serena got back together, but it still messed me up, still made me feel shit that hasn’t left my head since, because I liked him. He was not only the first guy I’d really wanted, but the first person in general. We only spent two weeks together, but Oakley was different.

And then the second time I was with a man led to a two-year secret relationship where he didn’t want to come out, where I couldn’t tell anyone how I felt. While I get that too—I know the journey is different for everyone—that doesn’t change how it felt to be hidden, especially when we broke up and he came out a couple months later with a new boyfriend in tow: his best friend.

Apparently, it hadn’t been that he didn’t want to come out, just that he didn’t care enough about me to want to do it for us.

So yeah, my relationship with my bisexuality is complicated as fuck. So far, all it’s told me is I’m not enough to make someone want to stay.

“You’re not straight? How don’t I know that?” Hunter asks, then turns to Lucas. “How’d you know it?”

“How did you not?” Lucas asks. “It’s a thing we just know.”

“Clearly it’s not a thing I just knew.”

“Did you read the manual?” Lucas teases, and I join him in laughter, but Hunter stays serious.

“What the fuck, man?” he asks, his tone lacking anger; it was more just confusion. I sigh, wondering if I just shouldn’t have said shit.

“Shit, man. It’s complicated, but yeah, I’m bi, and even if I wasn’t, you know I would have no issue chillin’ at a gay bar with you and your guy. That’s not who I am.”

“I know, I just… Damn. Okay.” Hunter’s gaze meets mine, the silent words coming through in his expression…We’re good. Talk to me when you’re ready.

Hunt is good about shit like that. We met in college and have been tight ever since. He’s like the brother I never had.

I give him a nod and say, “We doing this or not?”

“You both know I’m down.” Lucas runs his fingers through Hunter’s hair and Hunt leans into the touch—the bliss and love like a fucking beacon shining out of him. The brightness of it stings just slightly, and I don’t know why. I haven’t wanted a relationship in years, haven’t wanted to risk caring about anyone. Sex is a whole lot easier than heart.

“Let’s do it,” Hunter agrees.

“You guys planning on feeding me first, or what?” I tease.

“I can order something,” Lucas offers.

“You’re killin’ me here. What do you guys got? We can grill something up.” It’s not that I don’t ever eat out, because I do, but if I have the choice between a home-cooked meal and takeout, I’m going to choose eating at home every time.

Hunter nods toward the back door that leads inside. “Come on.”

I jump up from the chair. “That’s what I’m talking about!” I love that Hunter doesn’t press me to talk more. He knows me almost better than anyone else, and I do with him too. It’s why I did my best to give him space after Ellis died too. Not that this is on the same level, but just another way we get each other.

Outside of telling him I’m bi, there’s not much else I can share anyway. I don’t like talking about Kane or Oakley, and with Oak, I’d be outing a happily married…or, I guess, happily relationshipped man.

And for all I know, that night we spent together was just a fluke, something he hasn’t thought about in years—that it didn’t mean nearly as much to Oakley as it meant to me.

That he didn’t spend years thinking about me, stalking me online, wishing things could have been different.

Which is why he does his best to avoid me.

And why I do my best to tell myself I don’t care.