Page 35

We both go for it, stumbling around each other, taking this shit way too seriously. I don’t know how it happens, but our feet lock up, both Oak and I falling off the edge of the court and into the grass, our bodies hitting the ground with a loud thud.

There’s a moment of silence. One of his legs is thrown over mine. My heart is racing, lips pulled into a smile, insides lit up like a neon sign, and then…and then a loud laugh bursts out of Oakley. Seconds later, I’m doing the same thing.

I have no fucking clue what either of us is laughing at, but we can’t seem to stop. I know I can’t, and damned if I don’t feel good—good in a way I didn’t know I had been missing. It’s wild how you can think everything is great, and it can be, but then something happens, and it gets better—better in a way you didn’t know you were missing. That’s what’s happening now. I feel so good it makes me realize how much better things can be.

Not with him. He’s in love with someone else. You’re a good time, but not the one people choose when they want forever.

His hand moves on my hip, and for the first time, I realize he’s touching me there.

I think Oakley realizes it too, because his body stiffens and the laughter cuts off like someone killed the power to him.

I breathe.

He breathes.

Get up. Get the fuck away from him.

I shift, just about to do exactly that, when Oakley asks, “Why didn’t you ever message me back?” and I still.

I wanted to. I lay in bed staring at those texts too many times to count: Oak checking up on me, wanting to see how I was, telling me I played a good game, which meant he must have searched me online.

Him asking if we could still be friends.

I didn’t answer a single one, and a few months later, they stopped coming.

I sit up in the grass. “Fuck, Oak. I don’t know. It felt weird. I was just some random guy you kissed, and then you and Serena were back together. I didn’t know if it was appropriate.”

“You weren’t just some random guy I kissed, not to me. You were my friend. At least, I thought you were. Maybe that was all in my head and—”

“It wasn’t. You know it wasn’t.” We connected then the same as we did now, like some cosmic fucking force is out there in the universe, pulling us together.

“Then why didn’t you message me back? We could have been friends. We didn’t have to let one random night of being horny-ass teenagers make us lose that.”

And there it is, I guess. It never felt like it was just a night of being a horny teenager to me. I liked Oak, wanted to be with Oak, but it was nothing more than getting off with a friend to him.

I figured that, probably always knew it, but it still feels like a kick to the gut to hear.

I didn’t message Oakley back because I liked him.

I wanted to be with him.

But I wasn’t the one he chose.

Just like Kane didn’t choose me either.

“Why the fuck does it matter, man? It was a hundred years ago.” I push to my feet, not wanting to do this with him. I invited him over to see if we could find the friendship that had never been given the room to grow, but I didn’t expect Oakley to rekindle the past this way.

He stands too. “I don’t know… Fuck, because I missed you. Maybe I shouldn’t have, since I hardly knew you, but I did. I felt like I did something wrong, and I was so fucking confused. I was with Ree, and then I wasn’t. We were friends, and then we kissed. I thought I was straight, but clearly, I wasn’t that either, and then Ree was pregnant, and we were back together and having a baby. My head was so fucked up and I—”

“Had Serena,” I tell him. He still has Serena.

“I did,” he answers. “I’m not saying I wanted more from you than friendship. I know it was just a fling.”

I have to fight myself not to flinch at the word. It was just a fling. I told him that, and it was true, so why does the word feel as sharp as a knife?

He looks down, and I know I should say something, but words won’t come. They all feel like giving too much away or saying shit I have no business saying to him.

“I don’t know why it was always so easy to talk to you. Hell, maybe it’s selfish of me to have wanted to keep that. Fuck, I don’t know, Des. I was just a fucking baby, and my life was changing so much. Ree’s too. Jesus, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I had no right to want to be friends with you. That shit might not have been fair to you or her.” He rubs a hand over his head, pacing.