Page 5

“Well, if you hadn’t been late.” Linda spun around.

I pulled in a breath. “Fudge and Twinkies … the coffee cup,” I muttered.

Linda glared at me over her shoulder. “What was that?”

“Oh, uh”—my gaze dropped to the coffee cup on the edge of Kylie’s desk—“Nothing.” I shrugged.

She turned back around just as Kylie reached for her stapler. The coffee cup, brimming with hot coffee, splashed over Linda’s baby blue dress. She screamed. “Kylie, you idiot! You clumsy ass!”

Mark leaned out of his office. “Let’s keep it down out here. I’m about to take a call.” Mark’s blue gaze swept my direction. “You were late, Raphael. You really should learn to drive.” He disappeared back into the office.

Kylie, who considered vile Linda the queen of the world, rushed off to find a cloth to wipe Linda’s dress. She returned with a red face and a flurry of apologies. Linda shooed her away. “Stop, you’re making it worse.”

The rest of the morning, Kylie sat at her desk quietly sobbing into a tissue because she’d angered her idol. Linda had zipped home to change. She returned in a lavender dress that was even tighter than the blue one. By the time she came back, she was talking to Kylie again, which made her simpering little sidekick very happy.

I spent the morning inputting data, my fingers scurrying across the keyboard like lightning. I still had plenty of my own work to do and hadn’t touched Linda’s. My head had started to ache. I pulled out my purse to grab some aspirin.

Mark popped out of his office. “Hey, Linda, let’s meet before the client arrives.”

Linda stood up and pulled down her tight hem. She smiled imperiously at Kylie and gave me her usual sneer. As she passed my desk, she slapped the files she’d placed there. I startled and my purse slipped off my lap. The dynamic trio tumbled out onto the tile floor.

Linda stared down at them, then a loud cackle burst from her overblown lips. Her hand shot down, and she managed to grab Madigan before I could pick up all three. “You carry toys in your purse?” She laughed so loud, Mark came out of his office.

“What’s going on?” he asked.

Linda held up Madigan. Paxton was the only person I let touch them, and seeing Madi in Linda’s hand made me grit my teeth together. I was about to yell at Linda, but she yelled first, only it was more of a yowl, like when someone stepped on a cat’s tail. Her hand flew up, and Madigan arced through the air. I caught her before she hit the floor again.

Linda was holding her right hand with her left. “That thing gave me a splinter. A terrible splinter.”

Kylie rushed over with a look of concern … but first she scowled at me as if I had personally injured Linda. Madigan was safe in my hand. I rubbed my thumb over the figurine. It was smooth and glossy. No splinters.

Kylie took hold of Linda’s hand. Linda continued to complain about the terrible pain. “I don’t see a splinter,” Kylie said. “But look how red it’s turning.” She held her hand out for me to look at. Linda’s entire palm was red.

“Let’s get you to the first aid box in the lunch room,” Kylie said. Her morning misfortune had been replaced by good fortune. She was now able to fawn over Linda.

Mark rolled his eyes at Linda’s dramatics. He didn’t look my direction as he walked back to his office. I lifted Madigan and winked at her. As I went to drop her in my purse, I could have sworn that she winked back. I snapped the purse shut and dropped it inside the drawer. Next time, I would leave the dynamic trio at home.

Three

“What a horrid, long day,” I muttered to myself as I reached my house. I’d managed to finish both my work and Linda’s. She spent the rest of the day groaning about the pain in her hand. Several times she sneered over at me and mouthed the word “witch” or maybe it was “bitch.” It was hard to tell with her blubbery lips.

Summer heat beat down on me as I reached the stone path leading up to my bright orange front door. One day Mom came home with a gallon of Papaya Orange paint. We spent the rest of the afternoon painting. We ended up almost as orange as the door, but we had a blast.

I was two stone pavers from the front step when a giant raven hopped up onto the splintery porch railing. I stopped cold and stared at the bird. It did the same. We played a game of chicken, waiting to see who would look away first. It was me. I waved my arm. “The sunflower seeds are not ripe. Come back in a month, and you better not bully the other birds.” I was about to threaten erecting a menacing scarecrow, then I remembered what Paxton said about ravens being smart enough to remember people who had wronged them. “And that’s all I have to say on the matter,” I continued, but more politely. I didn’t need a vigilante-style raven hanging out in my garden. “I’m thirsty, so if you’ll excuse me.” I was throwing in an extra dose of politeness just in case my first words were too harsh. I was going to let Paxton know that he had made me paranoid about ravens disliking me. As if I needed anything else to add to my long list of issues.

A cool shower and a glass of lemonade helped revive me after the terrible workday. I really needed a new job, preferably one where I only worked with computers or puppies or … wooden figurines. “Sorry guys, forgot you were in there.” I grabbed my purse and pulled the trio out. I smiled and winked at Madigan again, but her beautifully carved face stood stock-still as it stared back at me. “Anyway, Madi, well done. Linda walked a wide berth around my desk all day, which is quite the victory. Even if it meant embarrassing myself by bringing toys to work. Not that I consider you guys anything but friends, but other people … well, they don’t know you the way I do.”

I set them back on the shelf and walked out to see what was in the refrigerator for dinner. It was an exercise in futility because I knew there was nothing more than some questionable milk, a package of Swiss cheese, a container of mustard and half an avocado. Still, I reached the kitchen and pulled open the door expectantly as if some tiny grocery fairies had filled my fridge while I was at work. Nope, didn’t happen. Damn lazy fairies. I needed some new, more productive pretend friends in my life.

My phone rang. It was Paxton, of course. The only other calls I got were scams. “Hey, my friend, what’s up?”

Paxton was speaking quietly, which meant he hadn’t left the office yet. “I was at the water cooler, literally, not the metaphorical one, although I could have been at the latter because your dear buddy Kylie was there filling a cup with cold water and telling Myra, from down at Baker Finance, that Linda was badly injured by a toy that Raphael brought with her to work. Now I’m a little tired because I’ve had a dozen clients today, but what the hell was she talking about?”

“First of all, she didn’t call me Raphael, did she?”

Paxton paused. “Well, she added some colorful adjectives in front, but that’s not important. What toy? You didn’t bring—you know.” He paused again, which was not like him. He dropped his voice lower. “Did you bring an adult toy to work?” He made a buzzing sound.

“Yes, I beat Linda senseless with a vibrator. Uh, I think you need to call it a day and go home because you’ve clearly lost your mind. I had the trio in my purse. After yesterday, I felt like I needed them for emotional support. I know. It’s stupid. Anyhow, they fell out of my purse, and Linda snatched Madigan off the floor. Then she howled like a cat in heat.” I giggled. “It was pretty classic. She claimed it was a splinter, but those figures don’t have splinters. I think maybe a spider got her when she reached down to the floor.”