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“He cared about you. It felt a lot like he loved you.”
My sobs caught in my chest. “He never said it.”
“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.”
“Maybe.”
“You’ve got to stay strong. We don’t know what happened. What if he managed to survive it? You’re a mess. Would you want him to see you like this?”
“I’m not a mess.”
And he’s not coming back.
Kaleb gazed down at me, cradled in his arms, tears and snot all over my face.
“I’m not a mess!” I jerked my sleeve down over my hand and wiped some of the moisture away. Struggling to sit up, I voiced the question I was most afraid of asking. “Do you feel him? His emotions?”
His answering smile held a world of sadness.
I buried my face in his chest and let go.
It took a while for me to stop weeping. When I finally ran out of tears, Kaleb stood and helped me to my feet. “Get cleaned up and then come downstairs. I’ll have Cat bring you some clothes. You need to let her look at those cuts.” He gestured to my hands and knees. I started to protest, but he interrupted. “Let her do it here, or I can take you to the hospital.”
“I hate hospitals.”
“I know.”
“That’s a dirty trick.”
“I know that, too. Do it.” He reached into his pocket before placing something in my hand and carefully curling my fingers around it.
When he left, I examined what he’d placed in my palm. It was his silver circle engraved with the word hope. I stared at it for a few moments before placing it in the exact center of Michael’s bed.
I stripped off the jacket, hearing a clunk when it hit the ground. I picked it up and unzipped the pockets, finding the computer disks I’d retrieved as well as Michael’s car keys. I squeezed the keys so hard the teeth hurt my fingers. Tears filling my eyes, I dropped them onto his nightstand. I left the computer disks where they were.
I walked blindly into the bathroom and turned the water to the hottest temperature I could stand. Before I stepped in, I stared at my reflection in the mirror.
My hair was gray instead of blonde, speckled with ashes, my face dark with soot and streaked with tearstains. The irises of my bloodshot eyes were bright green; they got that way when I’d been crying. My shoulder was already developing a deep purple bruise, and it hurt when I rolled it forward to stretch it. I looked down at my knees and the heels of my hands, both scabbed over.
As bad as I looked on the outside, the inside was much worse.
I stepped into the shower and stood under the spray until the hot water ran out.
Chapter 49
Wearing only a towel, I cautiously opened the bathroom door to a fresh set of clothing on the bed, a soft pair of gray yoga pants I’d be able to roll up at the waist along with a white hoodie and tank top. There was a pair of thick blue fuzzy socks, even a package of new underwear. Bless Cat’s heart and her wardrobe. I almost laughed at the underwear, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to do it.
opped down into the desk chair.
“You should be with your father.” My voice sounded raw, still full of smoke and tears.
“No, I should be with you. My father agrees.”
I didn’t have a comeback. I was too broken for a good one anyway.
“Em.” He reached up to rub the back of his neck. I knew Kaleb could feel every single one of my horrible emotions. I started to tell him I had the formula for his meds in my pocket, but I realized he didn’t need it now that his father was back.
Liam was alive.
