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“I told you that you didn’t want to know.”

“Tis a lot tae hear.”

We lay there quietly for a few moments.

“Were ye — did ye... I am askin’ if ye were takin’ your pills... If ye still are.”

“I was. I am. I don’t think there’s any reason why I should be⁠—”

“When would we ken?”

“I could probably know in a few days? Maybe a week?”

“Good. If ye are... I daena...”

“I can’t be, Magnus. It would be so...”

“Aye.” The corner of his eye glistened. He spoke to the ceiling. “I daena ken what I have done tae ye, mo reul-iuil. I have brought so much despair tae ye.”

“You warned me.”

“Aye, but I also promised ye I would protect ye. And I haena lived up tae⁠—”

I kissed his fingers and crawled from my position on the pillows, to his side, collapsing under his arm, over his chest, snuggled, afraid of his words, the words of defeat, terrible words, scared words, final kinds of words.

I clung to him. “I don’t think that’s what you promised me.”

He lifted his head and looked down at my face. “I did. I promised ye protection.”

“That’s not what I heard. What I heard was that you would live your whole life always trying to protect me. That my life, my safety, would always be your first thought. And you haven’t let me down, Magnus, you have kept your promise to me. I know it. I’m scared when I think about what happened to me. I’m terrified when I think about what might be coming, and my brain is just like hiccuping right now, showing me things at really dumbass times. But when I think about you, here, I know you will always do your best to try to protect me. Because that’s what you promised.”

“But I am the son of Donnan. The son of Mairead. I have killed men for entertainment. What if I am nae the man who deserves ye?”

I circled my finger around on his chest. “You aren’t his son. Or hers. You are my husband. Before God.” I slid my thigh across his waist and his hand held it there. “We can’t talk about deserving.” I pulled his opposite shoulder up to turn him toward me and wrapped around him, legs entwined, arms wrapped, hands caressing. “Deserving is a deciding word. It’s insecure, unstable... those kinds of words don’t describe us anymore. You and I are decided. We are one, my love, stronger together.”

His voice came from near my shoulder. “I am worried that I may have it inside me — an evil that I canna rid myself of.”

“Oh.” It was my turn to stare into space searching for the right words, finding them in a meme I saw months before. “Did you know that all the cells in your body have a lifespan and they die and are replaced by new cells?”

“The cells?”

“Yes, your entire body is made up of tiny cells and those each die and new ones take their place. Our whole body is completely new every seven years.”

He pulled his head away to look at my face. “Tis true?”

“Science, maybe a little bit of myth, but that’s unimportant. What’s important is that you are what, twenty-three years old now?”

“I think I am twenty-two...”

“Oh no you don’t. You were away for a year. You do not get to stay younger while I get older. You are aging at the same rate as me. This is not some Twilight bullshit.”

His mouth turned up in the corner. “I haena any idea what ye are talkin’ about, but I will say I am twenty-three years auld.”

“My point is your body may have been originally built by Donnan and Mairead, but since then you have rebuilt yourself at least twice again.”

His eyes squinted. “Really?”

“Really. Plus, if you think about it, you pray all the time asking for help and guidance. I think God has helped to build you into this big strapping man beside me. He doesn't want you to be evil. And Zach gets some credit, he feeds you every day. How can you be evil when you’ve got Zach serving you bowls of ice cream? Your physical trainer helped your muscles get all awesomely big. Me, I got you that oxygen tank. I made you take those vitamins. I tell you cool science-y things turning you into an awesome eighteenth century geek. We should get a lot more credit than those other two evil people.”