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Standing there with my arms wrapped around Ryan, I felt like sixteen again. It felt like every day of the last nine years hadn’t happened, and I was learning to do things all over again.
“You took the first step,” Ryan murmured, pulling me out of my thoughts. “You’re touching me. What’s next?”
“You’re not nervous?”
Soft skin against rough stubble, and Ryan’s lips brushed my cheek. “I’m very nervous, but my nerves aren’t a priority right now.”
“I want to kiss you,” I admitted, my voice too close to a whine for my liking.
Ryan smiled against the side of my face. “Didn’t I tell you to just do it? Stop overthinking.”
“I can’t help it. It’s… this is all so much.” My voice was barely a whisper, as if I thought the walls would tell on me. My heart felt ready to burst. This must have been what the Grinch felt when his heart grew three sizes.
Ryan reared his head back to look at me. “Do you really want to?”
“Want to what?” Ryan was smoothing his hands over my back, and I felt like I’d forgotten my own name.
Those intoxicating eyes flitted to my mouth again. “Kiss me.”
Instinct made me want to shake my head, but my mouth had a different idea. “Yes. Yes, I do.”
“Then do it.”
I nodded slowly, tightening my fingers into the nest of hair that had Ryan’s eyes threatening to close. Before I could second guess it, I swooped down, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. The contact, though brief, sent a shockwave through my body. I straightened and Ryan was licking his lips, nose wrinkling in the most adorable way possible. “Come on, that’s how I kiss my grandma.”
One of his hands slid up my chest, eliciting a trail of goosebumps in its wake. Fingers threaded through my hair, and he gently guided my mouth to his. I stiffened, but his hand clenched onto a fistful of curls and I relaxed into the kiss. Ryan pressed closer, and I let my eyes fall shut. Some switch flipped inside of me, and it suddenly wasn’t enough. I wanted more.
I wanted all of him.
Soft lips pressed against mine. My fingers trailed his jawline and something warm and wet prodded the seam of my mouth. But before I could open up for him, Ryan pulled away, the quiet smack ringing out in the silent room.
“Was that okay?”
We both panted like we’d just run a marathon. I nodded, forcing myself to take a step back and catch my breath. Silence hung around us until I could find the words to speak. “I… I’m not ready to tell anyone about this.”
“I understand,” he said before his mouth curled up into that crooked grin that had my heart racing in a matter of seconds. “But can we do that some more?”
Pushing off the wall, I rushed over to him and cupped his face in my hands. “Hell yes, we can.”
PART THREE
BACKS AGAINST THE WALL
“They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never returned.”
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
CHAPTER TEN
Ryan and I made out for half an hour in the kitchen before we moved to the couch to keep going. Hands roamed over clothed bodies—and I was on fire. Ryan’s fingertips brushing my skin lit up nerve endings that I never knew existed.
Though with our conditions, we both tired quickly. After changing bandages, Ryan could hardly move. We both needed something to help us sleep that night.
I’d never felt so… drained before. I’d never been a particularly emotional person, but the past couple weeks had made one out of me and I wasn’t sure that I liked it. A simple conversation made me feel like I’d run a 10K.
As I laid in bed, I replayed our first kiss over and over. I dreamt about it. In my sleep-induced haze, I fought the urge to burst into the guest room and do it again. Not only did I need to process everything, but the poor guy needed to rest.
The next morning, I laid in bed watching my fan twirl until I’d reached the end of my rope. As I threw the blanket aside to get out of bed, a knock at the door had me pausing. It was so quiet, I questioned whether I’d actually heard anything.
