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A rare event for me, I dropped my fork and pushed my plate away. I’d lost my appetite. “You can have another painkiller if you need it.”
“No, thank you though. I think thirteen hours of sleep is plenty.” Plate empty, he sat back in his seat. “Thank you for taking care of me, and thank you for breakfast, but Jason, we need to talk.”
I took a deep breath. He was right, and as much as I hated to admit it, so was Charlie.
“Did you really say what I think you said?” Ryan began. “Or was that the codeine talking?”
“I said it.”
“Okay…” Ryan peered up at me from where he sat. “How are you feeling about it?”
“Until yesterday, I wasn’t really sure. That’s why I met with Grace. I thought that the second I saw her, those feelings would come rushing back.” I sighed and scrubbed a hand through my hair. “But then I blurted out that I was interested in someone else.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “You did?”
“I did.”
“D-did you tell her who?”
“No. I’d never do that to you” Desperate to move, I swept the plates away, taking them into the kitchen. “She assumed it was a girl—Charlie, actually. I just didn’t correct her.”
A chair scraped across the floor, and footsteps padded into the kitchen. “You didn’t have to do that,” he said. “She deserves to know.”
“No, she doesn’t,” I snapped, taking my frustrations out on a particularly stubborn patch of egg stuck to the plate. “She actually thought we would get back together.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. She said she got bored, but made a mistake in leaving.”
“Why didn’t you let her? It’s… hard to believe that nine years of feelings just went away in a couple of weeks.”
Frustrated with the dishes, I left them in the warm, soapy water and spun to face Ryan. “I got my answer when she walked out of that restaurant and straight into Sawyer Huxley’s arms. I don’t doubt that she regrets what she did, but I don’t believe she loves me. I’m wondering if she ever really did. Nine years doesn’t matter when you can rip it apart just like that.” I snapped my fingers to emphasize my point.
Ryan chewed on his lip. “And then I texted you.”
“And then you texted me, and I dropped her in a heartbeat to come running.”
He took a few steps into the kitchen and I took a few centering breaths. My clammy palm slipped on the counter. I stood there, trying to figure out what to say next when he thankfully spoke first.
“I’ve never had feelings for a straight man before,” he said, forcing a laugh. I didn’t miss the way he wrapped his arms around himself, babying the spots that hurt the most.
“I’ve never had feelings for a man,” I countered. “I don’t know what to do.”
“You don’t have to settle for the first crush you have, you know. I mean, I’m happy to help you figure out who you are…” Ryan took a deep, shaky breath before muttering his next words. “But there might be someone out there that you like better.”
“Well, I’m not out there confessing my feelings to another man, am I?”
Twin spots of color bloomed on his cheeks, and those butterflies in my stomach fluttered to life. “Fair enough. What do you want to do now?”
“I have no fucking clue. I don’t know how to be in a relationship with a man.”
“It’s no different than being with a woman. My anatomy may be different…” God, I didn’t even want to think about sex right now—even if my dick twitched at the idea. “But I’m still a person, just like Grace.”
I scoffed. “Are you going to leave me in nine years for a bigoted idiot with a temper problem?”
“Well, I’m no fortune teller,” Ryan joked, soft, glistening eyes gazing up at me. “Seriously, Jason, I’m a person. I love just like any woman would—possibly even better.”
Heat flooded my cheeks, and I coughed to cover the fluttering in my stomach. “Bold statement, Walker.”
