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I nod, and he smiles at me.
“Satisfied with my answer?”
“Yes. But that’s not my only question.”
“I think I can change your mind about that,” he whispers into my ear, while simultaneously brushing my stomach with the tips of his fingers.
I don’t let myself get distracted.
“When I left L.A. twelve years ago, you didn’t try to stop me. Why?”
The mood suddenly shifts, and the tension between us becomes palpable. Vadim is no longer playing around. I’ve hit a nerve.
“Because I couldn’t bear to see you being pulled in every direction anymore. Because of me, you were constantly having to push back against your family. I didn’t want you to suffer anymore. And I no longer wanted to apologize for being who I was.”
“I never asked you to do that,” I murmur softly. “I loved you like crazy—for your courage, your freedom, your ideas. I never would have tried to change Vadim Arcadi.”
“But you left.”
“Yes. Because the love I felt for you was eating away at me a little more each day. Because the people I loved most in the world were tearing each other apart. And because you were going to lose, Vadim. My father was eventually going to destroy you.”
“So, you’re telling me you left to protect me?”
“Yes.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“I didn’t have a choice!”
My explanation doesn’t seem to sit well with him. He studies me for a long time, as if he could somehow penetrate deep into my thoughts with his steely gaze.
“You think you protected me. But honestly? You broke me. I had never let myself love anyone before you.”
His confession takes me by surprise.
“You have no idea how much it hurt me, too…”
“Don’t turn this around, Alma. You left. I would never have given up on you. Not for anything in the world.”
It just goes to show that simple words can hurt more than actions.
“Anyway, your leaving at least allowed me to take control of my life. Achieve my wildest dreams, even. Look where I am today—it’s partly thanks to you. Maybe I should thank you for dumping me like a piece of trash.”
His smile, pained and full of resentment, twists my heart.
“Leaving you was the worst decision I ever made, Vadim. My biggest regret.”
I feel myself welling up, and his expression changes. Compassion wins out over bitterness. He sighs, strokes my cheek, and I hold back my tears.
“Enough talking about the past,” he whispers, bringing his lips close to mine.
“Vadim?”
“Are you ever going to stop asking questions, Lancaster?!” His exasperated laugh echoes around the room.
“Your name?”
“I just wanted to change it. If you don’t mind, I’m going to kiss you now, and forget all about my childhood wounds and the damn past that very nearly destroyed me.”
