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“We’re going to wait until next year for the wedding, get settled first,” Dakota explained, instinctively rubbing her belly.
“Are you guys in town now?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her.
“Not…yet,” Dakota answered, the tone of her voice apprehensive. Jess knew there was more she wasn’t saying. “We sold the condo in Stamford.”
Jess’s mouth flew open. “You owned a condo?”
Dakota shifted on her feet. “Yeah, I guess you wouldn’t have known that either.”
Her heart twisted in her chest. There was so much she didn’t know. But then the thought of that night after graduation came flooding back to her, and she clenched her fists. She knew this wasn’t all on her. So why did it always feel like that way?
“They miss you, by the way,” Dakota said softly, like she could read her mind. “You should…you know…”
Jess glared at her. “No.”
“Sissy.” The word causing her sister’s face to twitch when she said it. “Just, please—”
“It’s been almost five years,” Jess said sternly. “And not once have they reached out.”
It was her deepest, darkest wound that continued to fester and suck the life out of her. During that first year in the apartment, when Charlie came home on his college breaks and they’d spend a blissful week or two together, he’d say the same thing over and over. They’ll come around, Jessie. Give them time.
But slowly, as time ticked by and the seasons blended into each other, he stopped saying it, like he’d finally come to the same conclusion she’d already made in her heart. They would never come around. They would never try to win her back.
She hated that what happened between her and her parents also meant blocking out her sister. It made sense at the time; she’d taken their side. But now, with Dakota in front of her with that beautiful round belly and the ring that sparkled like hope under the fluorescent lights of Post Road’s godforsaken chip aisle, Jess felt tired of pushing her away. She missed her sister—and she needed her.
“Can I see you again?” Dakota asked softly. “Coffee, maybe?”
Jess opened her mouth to try to fight her on it, that old feeling of frustration withering in her gut whenever Dakota tapped into their bond—that old ability her big sister had of reading her. But they were adults now, and her sister was extending an olive branch to her.
She let out a soft breath. “Okay.”
“Text me,” her sister replied. “It’s, um, the same number. Nothing new there.”
Jess nodded.
Dakota shuffled around her and her cart, heading for the checkout line. “You look—”
Jess frowned, staring down at her hands. Like shit? I know, she thought. She examined her uneven fingernails, pale and devoid of any color, hiding her disappointed expression so her sister couldn’t read that, too.
“It’s good to see you, sissy,” Dakota said instead. She turned quickly and walked down the aisle, leaving a trail of peppermint and vanilla behind her. Jess closed her eyes and felt a pang at the memories it evoked.
She turned back to her cart, carefully lifting a bag of chips and placing it on the shelf, letting tears run freely down her cheek for the first time in a very, very long time.
Pregnant. Marriage.
The two words swirled around in her head, the image of her sister wrapped in that pink coat always at the forefront of her mind. More importantly, the idea that she got pregnant, and then Jasper proposed, and Dakota was thrilled about it.
What if I woke up one morning and found out I was pregnant, she asked herself. Intimacy between her and Charlie had ground to a near halt, but it only took one slip-up for the little stick to show two pink lines instead of one, and the idea made her stomach roil. Would Charlie propose like Jasper did? There was a period of time when all she could think about was Charlie getting down on one knee, but somewhere along the way that daydream had transformed into a pipe dream—one she’d eventually given up on. Now the idea made her bitter and mad…especially if the only reason he did it was because she got knocked up.
She knew it wasn’t like that with Dakota and Jasper. They met in their freshman year at Boston University, the same year Jess started high school, and Dakota had fallen head-over-heels. Jess thought back to that first holiday break, how Jasper drove three hours from his hometown to see her and have dinner with them. Jess sat there and watched the way Jasper’s eyes sparkled every time they drifted to Dakota, wondering if Charlie also looked at her that way.
Jess had been with Charlie just as long as Dakota had been with Jasper, and yet everything felt starkly different. Dakota was still clearly in love and happy. Why didn’t she feel the same way?
She couldn’t seem to get her mind off the image of Dakota’s smiling face and rounded belly, even as she sang “Happy Birthday” to Melanie and sliced the cake for everyone—a double layer with Strawberry and Birthday Cake ice cream for Melanie and Duncan’s favorite flavors, trimmed with purple frosting. She knew she had to really be out of it when Kevin’s goading over her uneven slices didn’t rile her.
Now the whole group sat on the porch, lazy and content after demolishing the cake, watching as the sun slowly dipped below the bay. A black convertible pulled up in front of Melanie’s cottage in Sandy Cove, and Jess peered over to see Zach smoothly stepping out of his car and locking it.
Blake yelped at the sight of his boyfriend and bolted, hopping down the stairs and snaking his arms around Zach’s shoulders so he could reach up to him for a kiss. The sight of them made her heart twist, made her think of Dakota and Jasper, of Calvin and Melanie wrapped up tight on the porch swing next to them.
